A Sacrifice of Praise

2008-08-14T09:13:00.006-04:00

Please follow this link to find my new blog and please change any links you may have on your blog to reflect the change.

http://asacrificeofpraise.wordpress.com/

Medicine

2008-08-11T12:32:00.000-04:00

"Trials are medicines which our great and wise Physician prescribes because we need them. He proportions the frequency and weight of them to what our case requires. Let us trust in His skill and thank Him for His prescription."

by John Newton

My Rock

2008-08-11T12:30:00.008-04:00

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my Savior, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the strength of my salvation, my stronghold!" Psalm 18:2

When I despair because of my sin, Jesus is my righteousness!

When I fear Satan, I know Christ conquers all powers of this world!

When I am in pain, He is my sympathizing and loving High Priest!

When I suffer loss, the Jehovah Jireh is my exceeding great reward!

When my cross is heavy to bear, I know Christ makes all things work together for good to me - I have been called by His name!

When I am in anguish, my Savior is my joy!

When I sit in darkness, the Lord is my Sun!

When I doubt, the Holy Spirit is my Counselor!

When I feel dead, the Creator God is my life!

When the enemies encompass me, my Protector is my shield!

When I am tempted, the Spirit is my deliverer!

When I struggle with false friends, I know my Jesus will never leave or forsake me!

When I feel lost and alone, I know my Sovereign God is everywhere present!

When I am sick, Christ is my healer!

When I fear death, the Almighty God is the Resurrection and the Life!

When I feel battered by the waves, He is my Hiding Place and my Shelter from the storms!

When I am dry, the Provider is my Stream of Living Water!

When I am weary from the heat, He is my shelter!

When I fear, He is the surety of my hope!

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my Savior, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the strength of my salvation, my stronghold!" Psalm 18:2

Beijing

2008-08-08T12:49:00.003-04:00

I love the Olympics. I love Asia. What a great combination. But my heart breaks for my Christian brothers and sisters in China. It breaks for the suffering they endure in the name of Jesus.

Click here to find out more.

and here.

and here.

and here.

and here.

As I learn more about my persecuted friends in various places throughout Asia, my heart echos the cry of Revelation 6:9-11 "how long Sovereign Lord." For now, the answer remains "a little while longer." (see 1st Peter for a great perpective on suffering).

So, over the next few weeks, as I watch China at its greatest, I will be praying for the view we don't see on TV... for the people who aren't free to attend the events... for the stories of great heros that remain unspoken.

Man Points

2008-08-08T12:37:00.002-04:00

follow this link if you've ever had questions about "man points."

trust me, this is the most comprehensive evaluation ever written on this topic. it's great! :)

Out of the Depths

2008-08-08T09:08:00.004-04:00

Out of the depths, O Lord, I cry to You

When I am tempted to despair

Though I might fail to trust Your promises

You never fail to hear my prayer
And if You judged my sin

I’d never stand again

But I see mercy in Your hands

So more than watchmen for the morning

I will wait for You, my God

When my fears come with no warning

In Your Word I’ll put my trust

When the harvest time is over and I still see no fruit

I will wait, I will wait for You

The secret mysteries belong to You

We only know what You reveal

And all my questions that are unresolved

Don’t change the wisdom of Your will

In every trial and lossMy hope is in the cross

Where Your compassions never fail

by Bob Kauflin

Unsearchable Riches in the Psalms

2008-08-06T10:55:00.006-04:00

I recently returned from the Worship God 08 conference in Gaithersburg Maryland. The topic was "Discover Unsearchable Greatness in the Psalms." At the conference, Sovereign Grace Ministries released their newest album Psalms. You can download a free song "Praise the Lord" here.

I know I say this a lot, but this is quickly becoming my favorite album. :) My favorite by far is "Out of the Depths" by Bob Kauflin (based on Psalm 130).

Of all the songs, the raw honesty is most visible here through lyrics like "though I may fail to trust Your promises, You never fail to hear my prayer" and "when the harvest time is over and I still see no fruit, I will wait for You."

I think one reason I like Sovereign Grace music so much is because of the genuine emotion that is expressed through the lyrics. It is not simply "be happy in Jesus." Rather, what is expressed is genuine Christianity - struggles and trials and sorrows, but a hope in the midst of those trials as a result of our Reedemer who is steadfast in love and faithfulness.

So often, I fail to connect doctrine with my real life. I fail to see the link between my emotions and the hope found in the gospel. The words on the page don't seem to be living. It is through songs like this that the dots begin to connect in a new and sweet way.

God, thank you for these songs. Thank you for the gift of words. Thank you for the dedication of Bob Kauflin and the other songwriters to write songs that help us to realize Your involvement in our daily lives. I pray that You would use my words, my thoughts of You to help connect others lives to Your unfathomable greatness.

Psalm 100: 4-5 Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.

Direct Each Step

2008-08-05T10:36:00.002-04:00

If we can but have God's guidance and help for the little short steps--we need not fear for the long miles--the great stretches of road. If each step is of His directing--the long miles will be paths of His choosing.

"Direct my footsteps according to Your Word; let no sin rule over me." Psalm 119:133

a theology of food??

2008-08-04T13:53:00.002-04:00

... seems like a funny thing to think about, but God has been showing me lately a lot through my newly discovered food allergies. Some are things I don't really like to see. Some are things I've ignored for years. Some are newly discovered fears.

Here are some thoughts.
1. God has been showing me my dependence on Him as my Provider. My body is weak. For some reason, it can't handle food like it once could. The energy that used to be there seems to have disappeared. But in my weakness, I can look to Him as my Strength. In my need, He is more than sufficient to meet those needs.

2. I wasn't aware of this prior to about a month ago, but I am a fear-filled person. I fear eating at a restaurant - what if they serve me something that has dairy or gluten or wheat and I don't know about it? What if I get sick again like I did last weekend? What is safe to eat? How can I know for sure? This has provided a significant opportunity for me to learn a deeper trust in God. My God knows my limitations. He knows my needs. If I'm doing what I need to in order to avoid eating what I shouldn't and I accidentally do eat something I'm allergic to, He will sustain me. He will provide grace for that moment when the added trial comes. What a sweet (but very hard) lesson this has been to learn.

3. God has been revealing to me that for years food has been an area of laziness for me. I have simply just made food choices based either on what was easy or what was convenient or simply if it was what I wanted. By His grace, He's now provided me another area to learn self-control and humility.

This has been hard. It has been a trial and my body has been paying the price. But God has proven Himself faithful and has given me the hope that He will continue to do so.

Worship God

2008-08-04T08:10:00.004-04:00

Christa and I got home last night from the Woship God 08 Conference in Gaithersburg MD. I was so tired that I simply flopped like a little lump into my bed. After sleeping on a floor for 5 days, you really learn to appreciate your own bed :)

The conference centered around the Psalms and rediscovering the unsearchable greatness of our God as displayed through the Psalms. I will post more at a later time (once I have time to process all the mass of information that is swarming in my head) but let me just start by saying this conference was amazing.

God truly provided lavishly throughout this past week. Through someone's anonymous generosity, God answered my prayer and provided a way for me to attend the WG08 conference. He knew I could not afford a hotel room for 5 days, so He graciously provided a place to stay too. What a blessing the Perdue family was to me this past few days. Then He provided several meals through the generosity of several families. He allowed my allergies to not act up too severely, though almost every meal I ate was at a restaurant. He provided nights of restful sleep, though the hours were few.

But mostly, He provided me with a greater glimpse of Himself... a deeper view into the well of His provision... a brighter picture of His glory and care.

In some ways, WG08 started similar to NA08... I was tired going into the conference and had sinned so much in the first 30 minutes that it was almost absurd. I was very aware of my need and dependence on God. As He began to reveal more of my sin, in His kindness, He granted my heart the gift of repentance, instead of leaving me in condemnation and guilt.

God revealed so much of Himself through the conference. Bob Kauflin encouraged us at the beginning of the conference to take some time while we were there and read through the Psalms. Through that, I was repeatedly impressed with one truth... the Lord is a God of steadfast love and faithfulness...

more on that later.

Happy Storm that Wrecks a Man

2008-07-29T13:02:00.001-04:00

In seasons of severe trial, the Christian has nothing on earth that he can trust to and is therefore compelled to cast himself on his God alone. When his vessel is on its beam end and no human deliverance can avail, he must simply and entirely trust himself to the providence and care of God. Happy storm that wrecks a man on such a rock as this! Oh blessed hurricane that drives a soul to God and God alone!

CH Spurgeon

You Never Let Go

2008-07-29T10:51:00.000-04:00

by Matt Redman

to celebrate what God has done

2008-07-29T10:38:00.003-04:00

Thanks James for putting this video together. Its exciting and faith building to watch again. It truly was a time to celebrate what God has done.

My highlight yet again was watching Ed O'Daniel baptize his two sons. They are the last ones in the video to be baptized. What a joy this was. Two years ago, Ed was dying. Thanks to the sacrifice of Wendy, thanks to her kidney which God sovereignly ordained to be a perfect match, Ed was able to have the honor of baptizing his sons. Wow.

Yo-Yo

2008-07-28T12:02:00.008-04:00

... a picture of my life lately.

thanks Christa and Jess... yesterday was encouraging. today however...

*sigh*

I am so glad that my Jesus is holding my yo-yo of life. He is sovereignly ordaining each up and each down. He is full of love and compassion and each day I take a breath is a testimony of that.

So, in the midst of a "down" today, I am seeking to be grateful. Grateful because I have received mercy. Grateful because I have a Savior that has compassion on me in my weakness. Grateful because He has promised mercy and help in my times of need.

So, God, help. I need mercy. Again. I don't deserve it. But I guess that's the point...

New Every Morning

2008-07-24T12:46:00.001-04:00

Yea, "new every morning," though we may awake,
Our hearts with old sorrow beginning to ache;
With old work unfinished when night stayed our hand,
With new duties waiting, unknown and unplanned;
With old care still pressing, to fret and to vex,
With new problems rising, ours minds to perplex;
In ways long familiar, in paths yet untrod,
Oh, new every morning the mercies of God!

His faithfulness fails not; it meets each new day
With guidance for every new step of the way;
New grace for new trials, new trust for old fears,
New patience for bearing the wrongs of the years,
New strength for new burdens, new courage for old,
New faith for whatever the day may unfold;
As fresh for each need as the dew on the sod;
Oh, new every morning the mercies of God!
By Annie Johnson Flint

Lamentations 3:22 It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. 23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

Blessing and Suffering go hand in hand

2008-07-23T12:04:00.003-04:00

it is interesting... Jim often mentions this statement as we are studying in church through 1st Peter... "blessing and suffering go hand in hand." or "blessing and sacrifice go hand in hand..."

the past few months for me have been a time of both. definite blessings (new job, increased awareness of the Holy Spirit on a daily basis, growth in prayer on a much more personal basis, etc) but it has also been a few months of sacrifice and testing (changes in friendships, newly discovered food allergies, work stress and waiting, mental overload, etc)

I don't at all think of my current state of life as suffering - actually the opposite... God has been very gracious, very evidently displaying His love, and very kind. But this season, in new and different ways, has been hard. It has its own types of difficulties... leaving work exhausted and worn out instead of ready for a new adventure (hence the scaled back blogging and feeling like there is a lack of available time), major changes in what I'm able to eat, trusting God as friendships change (not for bad reasons)... it goes without saying that this season has been challenging.

But overall, I can't get past one thing... My God is loving. He cares for me. He is kind. This season is not to harm me - its to refine and beautify what He has designed for my life. He is not vindictive or harsh. I'm not wandering helplessly through a dry desert alone. He is with me, leading me, and providing for my needs each step of the way. Though holy and unaccepting of sin, He has graciously provided a solution through the cross. The payment was made in full.

So really, there's nothing new in my life to report on. I'm learning to lean. I'm growing increasingly aware of my limitations and dependence on an unlimited, self-contained and maintained sovereign Creator. I'm grateful for that awareness.

Without it, without that grace being lavishly poured over my life, I think I would be tempted to look at this life as suffering or hardship. But in light of the cross, in light of His mercy, this is no sacrifice.

No sacrifice because I, the one who deserved "no mercy" was given mercy. The one whom He should have named "not my people" found a loving Father through the mystery of adoption. The one who betrayed Him in the past and continues daily in "small" ways, now looks in the face of the Lover of my Soul. What a glimpse!

Israel didn't see that love displayed. They didn't repent. They looked to their idols to find satisfaction that was never to be found. I don't want to repeat their cycle. As I look into the face of my God, I long for the grace to be imparted in my life, so that I will look deeper, not turn away. I want to be one who is known by her gratitude, not by her troubles. I want people to see my God, not me, for He is the only reason I am who I am.

I love Him. I love Him dearly. I love Him passionately. I wish I loved Him more.

My grandparents just celebrated their 53rd wedding anniversary, and my Grammy tells me that she loves her husband more today than she ever thought possible on their wedding day. I want my love for my Jesus to grow like that. Its exciting to see this as the beginning, not a culmination.

His grace is great. He gives it daily. He gives it personally. He provides carefully.

I just want to stay there. I long for grace to embrace the suffering He brings, fully aware that the blessings of Himself and His presence are far greater.

die to live anew

2008-07-17T13:15:00.018-04:00

God has been continuously reminding me of one thing this week... His unfailing, pursuing, incomprehensible, eternal, covenental love.

His death is the everlasting guarantee of that love. His gift of salvation to me... His soveriegn offering of union with Him proves to me His unfailing love and care. I long to explore the depths of that holy love. I am compelled to understand the richness in those depths.

"And as for your birth, on the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to cleanse you … but you were cast out on the open field … “And when I passed by you and saw you wallowing in your blood, I said to you in your blood, 'Live!' I said to you in your blood, 'Live! … I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord GOD, and you became mine." Ezekiel 16

His is not a love that overlooks sin, rather a love that removes it. He did not merely forgive my debt, He paid it, wholly and completely.

Thanks Steve, for the reminder of what the cross did. I cannot think of your post without remembering the Crucifixion Narrative - a graphic display of the substitutionary full atonement achieved that day as the Perfect Man was cursed as He stood condemned in my place.

Thanks Josh (and Showbread), for the reminder through music that we cannot attain this life neither by peity nor by indulgence. Both lead to destruction.

But God... the Lamb...

He leads to life. He carries us to life. He redeems our life from the pit. He plants our feet on a Rock and breathes life into our dead soul. He opens our eyes and shows us His love.

I am loving these 2 albums. See Josh's blog for a great review, for he is more concise than I could ever hope to be. :)

When I survey the wondrous cross on which the Prince of glory died, my richest gain I count but loss, and pour contempt on all my pride.
Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast, save in the death of Christ my God! All the vain things that charm me most, I sacrifice them to His blood.
See from His head, His hands, His feet, sorrow and love flow mingled down! Did e’er such love and sorrow meet, or thorns compose so rich a crown?
Were the whole realm of nature mine, that were a present far too small; love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all. (Isaac Watts)

Father hear my voice, be it small. Here I am, though I am nothing at all. Dost thou still see something to love in me? If it be, You will carry me away that I might live today
To Christ, who won for sinners' grace by bitter grief and anguish sore; be praise from all the ransomed race, forever and forevermore. (additional lyrics by Showbread)

By God's grace, in union with Him, these thoughts will direct my life. This truth will provide light to my steps and hope to my often weary heart.

...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5

... we were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. Romans 6

The Beginning - Showbread

John 17... Jesus is speaking

2008-07-15T13:53:00.007-04:00

John 17

1After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed: "Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you.

9I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours.

11I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me—so that they may be one as we are one.

12While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.

13"I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them.

17Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.

19 For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

20"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message,

21that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.

22I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one:

23I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

24"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.

25"Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me.

26I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."

Baptism Photos

2008-07-14T21:25:00.002-04:00

Buried and Raised in Christ - Union

2008-07-14T07:45:00.007-04:00

Yesterday was baptism Sunday at church. I hope to have pictures soon to be able to post, but I just want to say it was simply an awesome day.

During worship, God was reminding me of my union with Christ... the joy found in that truth... and how marriage and baptism are both a picture of that union. I didn't expect baptism to remind me of marriage (especially since I'm not married), but here's what was going through my mind...

1. it is a public display - I am commited to this person forever and I want everyone to know.

2. it is a time of rejoicing corporately - the entire church joined in the celebration... they rejoiced, they clapped, they gave hugs galore!!!

3. some people laugh and hoop and holler, some cry. Not a big surprise here, but I was the latter. :)

4. in a wedding, your dad typically gives you away. in baptism, my spriritual leader, friend and pastor had the honor of baptising me. You could see in his eyes that he was rejocing with me, you could sense and feel it as he hugged me, and smiled and cried. so much was wrapped up in that moment. He cares for my soul with such excellence. God has lavishly blessed our church with not just one amazing leader, but three! what a gift. I am grateful beyond words.

5. it reveals the levels and depths of friendships - some stand close by your side in a wedding... some just hug you for all its worth while they are in their church clothes and you're sopping wet. at that moment, the last 5 years re-entered my mind... a friendship that has been formed by only God's grace alone... a friendship sweeter than I ever could have asked for. the main reason I had the honor of even standing there at that moment, dripping and smelling of chlorine, was because of how God worked in and through my sweet friend, Jessica Britt. Her patience, love and care is what led me to Christ. Her example made the gospel appealing to me - a sinner who had until that moment been content to wallow in my sin. So, Jess (since I know you're reading this)... thank you. Thank you for obeying the Spirit when He asked you to reach out to me. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your ongoing care over the past 5 (but especially the last 2 1/2 years). I'm not the same person that I was 5 years ago as a result. I pray that God lavishly, richly blesses you. I pray you feel His pleasure. I pray that I will be able to be the same friend to another struggling hopeless visitor, that you were to me.

It was a beautiful day. Every testimony given made me cry. God's grace is not merely great enough to reach into our sin-ravaged lives, He does it in a specific, personal, tender, caring, intimate way. Just like no proposal is the same... no salvation is the same.

Jesus truly is sweet. It is an honor to call Him mine. It is a joy to be in union with Him. It is my delight to serve Him. What a joy. What a splendid time of sweetness that has begun.

To be honest, I didn't expect all that...

Little Things

2008-07-11T06:53:00.003-04:00

I'm grateful for the little things... yesterday, I came home from work exhausted. I laid on the floor and began to read. Then I took a short nap.

I woke up to a knock on my door. Haydn walked in my room with a flower he had picked for me.

It was special.

Gentle Savior

2008-07-10T08:56:00.002-04:00

this song is quickly becoming one of my favorites. I'm grateful that my Savior leads me gently. I'm thankful for His tender, loving care. It makes all the difference as I stumble through this wilderness of life.

Psalm 139

2008-07-09T09:23:00.008-04:00

This is part of an e-mail that I just sent to a friend of mine... but i so constantly need the reminder as well...

Remember - the faithful God who called you is the One who is working now in your life (even in the so many ways you don't understand and don't like) and He is the One who has promised to complete what He began (lovingly, tenderly, passionately, and with more care than you've ever experienced before in your life).

You're not lost, simply wandering all alone … you're being led down this path by a Sovereign Shepherd that cares for your emotions and heart. He wants what's best for you and is gently, tenderly leading you right now.

I just feel that you need to be reminded of that. Don't turn away from that care… keep minute by minute entrusting your soul to Him who judges rightly. He is trustworthy. Read Psalm 139. (to help you out, I've included it below… as well as some additional thoughts that I hope and pray are a help and comfort to you)

Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

(this is not a scary God that simply keeps track of all our thoughts and deeds. He is a God that understands our weakness and loves us wholeheartedly. That's why this knowledge is wonderful. Do not be afraid of the fact that He knows all your thoughts. Do not fear that He has hemmed you in - though confined beyond what you would choose, His hand is upon you.)

7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

(find comfort in this truth, do not fear His presence. Do not fear His Spirit. He is a Comforter and He longs to comfort your weary heart!)

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

(even when all seems dark. Even when I feel swallowed up by the darkness, He is holding me)

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

(in the midst of darkness and confusion, I can praise God for His awesome sovereignty!)

15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

(even when He searches and finds something in me that is offensive, do not forget the gospel - don’t forget "it is finished" applies there too because I am a beloved, cherished child of the almighty God that is overwhelming with compassion and forgiveness.)

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."- Ephesians 3:20-21

- immeasurably beyond what we ask or think… this is just ONE LOOK!!!! He is a Comforter… find 9 more of these, and find rest in the midst of the battle you are facing.

Hope in He who brings the rain

2008-07-08T09:07:00.000-04:00

Jeremiah 14:22

Are there any among the false gods of the nations that can bring rain? Or can the heavens give showers? Are you not he, O Lord our God? We set our hope on you, for you do all these things.

The secret strength of faith

2008-07-08T08:48:00.003-04:00

“Tell me I pray thee wherein thy great strength lieth.”
Judges 16:6

Where lies the secret strength of faith? It lies in the food it feeds on; for faith studies what the promise is—an emanation of divine grace, an overflowing of the great heart of God; and faith says, “My God could not have given this promise, except from love and grace; therefore it is quite certain his Word will be fulfilled.”

Then faith thinketh, “Who gave this promise?” It considereth not so much its greatness, as, “Who is the author of it?” She remembers that it is God who cannot lie—God omnipotent, God immutable; and therefore concludeth that the promise must be fulfilled; and forward she advances in this firm conviction. She remembereth,why the promise was given,—namely, for God’s glory, and she feels perfectly sure that God’s glory is safe, that he will never stain his own escutcheon, nor mar the lustre of his own crown; and therefore the promise must and will stand.

Then faith also considereth the amazing work of Christ as being a clear proof of the Father’s intention to fulfil his word. “He that spared not his own Son, but freely delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?”

Moreover faith looks back upon the past, for her battles have strengthened her, and her victories have given her courage. She remembers that God never has failed her; nay, that he never did once fail any of his children. She recollecteth times of great peril, when deliverance came; hours of awful need, when as her day her strength was found, and she cries, “No, I never will be led to think that he can change and leave his servant now. Hitherto the Lord hath helped me, and he will help me still.”

Thus faith views each promise in its connection with the promise-giver, and, because she does so, can with assurance say, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life!”

Rest

2008-07-03T23:38:00.003-04:00

have been somewhat absent lately... sorry about that. God seems to be working in my heart to learn to simply rest... so this week (vacation week) has been a week of relaxing, resting, enjoying music and friends and hiking and pools.

I love what I can learn about my God through nature. I learn that He is powerful. I see that He loves diversity. I love viewing His creativity. I'm glad that though I change like the seasons do, my God never changes. There is something special to me about hiking through the mountains viewing His creation and simply standing in awe of His power.

Can I just say...I love my singles group. We got together at the guy's duplex tonight for pizza. Its weird now... 5 years ago our singles group was consisted of 5 girls and 2 guys. Tonight, of the 20+ people that were there, the vast majority were guys. How cool is that?

Matthew Eastin stepped it up once again. The guy is really becoming a great leader. Its cool to watch. He cares specifically and serves quietly. He is truly an example.

I love hearing the guys pray. I love seeing their interaction with each other. I love watching them prepare the food (thanks Ryan for the yummy salad!) and doing it with such excellence. They are the coolest guys ever and are really gifts to our church. I was grateful to meet Carl - a brand new Christian who will be celebrating 3 weeks tomorrow of his union with Christ. Yay!!! I am humbled by Willie's service and passion. I am motivated by Casear's and Willie's passion for the lost.

I left tonight, yet again reminded of God's provision.

So, again, the command is rest. sit quietly. hope for Me. Look to Me. Rejoice in the midst of trials because I am your hope. Live in light of the stedfast hope you have in Me!

Hope

2008-07-01T22:12:00.004-04:00

Today was a hard day. You never want to attend a baby's funeral. The flowers on top of the small casket were larger than the casket itself. My friends are grieving deeply. My heart hurts for them.

But what I left the day with was one word... hope. The funeral service was done by my pastor, Jim Britt. Dave and Melissa picked out two songs to sing - one before and one after. The first song was "Blessed be Your Name" and the second was "It is Well." Never were those words harder to sing. It was heartbreaking to see tears roll down countless faces while we tried to sing the words "you give and take away... my heart will chose to say blessed be your name."

But as Jim so tenderly reminded us, our hope is not in the gifts given, rather in the Giver of gifts. He reminded us of the hope that God brings. It has been faith building for me to watch my friends walk through this trial. Their hope is confidently in a loving Father who cares for them. Their sorrow is met with an even-greater Comfortor. God's grace is so overwhelmingly evident in their lives right now.

God's Gentle Touch

2008-06-29T08:57:00.001-04:00

... fell asleep last night about 2am. many questions on my mind. many thoughts to ponder. longing for rest from God.

woke up with a headache from crying so much, but otherwise feeling much more rested and hopeful.

turned to Spurgeon's Morning and Evening.

today... June 29th morning talks about those who die find rest in God.

I felt a gentle whisper to read November 14th evening... it talks about the fact that we cannot have rest before the cross is born... we cannot have reward without the labor. we must persevere, but remember the service is worth it when we keep the crown in view.

then the voice said even softer (i almost wondered if i had even heard it at all)... go to October 12th. I'll lead you to the one you need to read. When I got there, evening's verse was John 14:26... "The Comfortor, which is the Holy Ghost." It talks about how God did not leave us alone to go through the trials we face... He has sent a Comfortor. That Comfortor points us to Jesus - the Source of all Comfort.

Thank you Spirit for your leading in my soul this morning. That was what I needed to hear. Our ultimate rest is in death when we are fully one with God. Until then, keep toiling on in light of that day, fully aware that we are not left to do this alone.

wow.

when all you can do is cry...

2008-06-26T08:52:00.008-04:00

I'm glad that God is caring and loving when all you can do is cry. I'm glad His ears are open to the cries of His children.

Dave and Melissa Cooper lost their baby last night. Little unborn, baby Jonas Cooper will never grow up to play with his big sister. This fall will not bring a season of new baby clothes and diapers.

I remember Melissa's excitement when she found out she was pregnant. I remember her joy when she learned they were having a boy. Now, I'm hearing of their agony and pain. I'm about to watch my friends embark on some of the deepest suffering they've ever faced.

How kind of God to prepare us. How grateful I am for the warning in 1st Peter: suffering is coming...put your trust in God. Look to Christ as your hope and motivation. Rest there.

So, with tears, I am choosing to rest in God's soveriegnty. With a heavy heart, I resolve to bless, not charge God. And by God's grace, I will join so many from years past who can say, trysting in our faithful God "you give and take away... but blessed be Your Name."

God, help. Help us to remember that even when we can't cry in faith, that You are holding us secure... that nothing is outside of your control - even things that are outside of our understanding.

"...this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD."

Stand Still

2008-06-25T06:50:00.001-04:00

'Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord' -Exodus 14:13

These words contain God's command to the believer when he is reduced to great straits and brought into extraordinary difficulties. He cannot retreat; he cannot go forward; he is shut up on the right hand an on the left; what is he now to do? The Master's word to him is, 'Stand still'

It will be well for him if at such times he listens only to his Master's word, for other and evil advisers come with their suggestions.

Despair whispers, 'Lie down and die; give it all up'. But God would have us put on a cheerful courage, and even in our worst times, rejoice in His love and faithfulness.

Cowardice says, 'Retreat; go back to the worlding's way of action; you cannot play the Christian's part, it is too difficult. Relinquish your principles'. But, however much Satan may urge this course upon you, you cannot follow it if you are a child of God. His divine fiat has bid thee go from strength to strength, and so thou shalt, and neither death nor hell shall turn thesee from thy course. What, if for a while thou art called to stand still, yet this is but to renew they strength for some greater advance in due time.

Precipitancy cries, 'Do something. Stir yourself; to stand still and wait is sheer idleness'. We must be doing something at once - we must do it so we think - instead of looking to the Lord, who will not only do something but will do everything.

Presumption boasts, If the sea be before you, march into it and expect a miracle'.

But Faith listens neither to Presumption, nor to Despair, nor to Cowardice, nor to Precipitancy, but it hears God say, "Stand still', and immoveable as a rock it saints. 'Stand still'; keep the posture of an upright man, ready for action, expecting further orders, cheerfully and patiently awaiting the directing voice; and it will not be long ere God shall say to you, as distinctly as Moses said it to the people of Israel, 'Go forward'.

-Charles Spurgeon, Morning & Evening

Bless the Lord

2008-06-21T16:50:00.001-04:00

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments. The LORD has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all.

Bless the LORD, O you his angels, you mighty ones who do his word, obeying the voice of his word! Bless the LORD, all his hosts, his ministers, who do his will! Bless the LORD, all his works, in all places of his dominion. Bless the LORD, O my soul! (Psalm 103)

Last night at care group, I stood in a crowded room, yet felt very much all alone. I was struggling to arrest my soul with truth instead of being discouraged by my emotions. I was fighting to praise instead of mourn. I knew that my soul was desperately thirsty for those Words that bring life. So, in the midst of the second song, I stopped singing and opened my Bible and began to read.

I was reading Psalm 103 and was freshly reminded and encouraged by God's love to me. By His intimate care and by His awareness of my weakness. I was encouraged of the reminder that God knows I'm dust. But even the rocks can cry out and praise God. So, dust can too.

As I was reading through the Psalm again, Matt stopped singing and began to read. It was spooky. He began reading exactly Psalm 103. Not just the first verse -- the whole chapter. It was as if God were saying "see, Emily... I really do love you. I do care. I am more powerful than you - you're dust. But I care for you... softly and tenderly."

Big surprise... I started crying. :)

He loves me. He's forgiven me. Wow. Julie again reminded me of those same things later that night. He loves me. He chose me in my sin. He is pleased when He looks at me because He sees Jesus. I have a Mediator, so when Christ looks at me, He is pleased. He does not see me as unworthy of His love. Through the cross, He sees me through Jesus' worth.

I don't get that. But its grace. And its amazing. That's why my soul can bless the Lord. That's why there's joy. That's peace. That's rest. Wow. That's cool...

Mellow

2008-06-18T17:05:00.000-04:00

... just sitting here in my favorite spot (on the floor in front of the recliner) enjoying my new Coldplay album. My, I love their music! My heart beats somehow slower when its playing.

*sigh*

Lashed by the Storm

2008-06-18T07:00:00.001-04:00

Christians are never urged to seek suffering; they are, however, encouraged to recognize that suffering is an extraordinary teacher. ... Great natural disasters, such as hurricanes or tidal waves, strike our world. Where there is warning, a few brave souls usually choose to remain in their homes. The vast majority of the inhabitants flee the coming devastation. After the storm abates, those who are able to do so return home. And at times there is a pattern that emerges between the lines of the news reports that are written for the world to read. Often there is a striking contrast between those who stay and those who leave. The hearts of the survivors are often full of gratitude that they are still alive. The returnees at times see only devastation and feel only anguish. The one who is lashed by the storm is often the one who is grateful.

quote from the Radical Feminism blog

Joy In my Morning

2008-06-17T17:11:00.002-04:00

When darkness falls
Temptations call
And all around me seems undone
You hear my pleas
Supply my needs
And tell me of Your wondrous love

You are the joy in my morning
You’re my song of praise
Just like the new day dawning
Flooding my world with grace

Though trials come
And every one
Can take me further from Your truth
You calm my fears
Dry all my tears
And draw me closer, Lord, to You

In You there’s no shadow of turning
Constant in all Your ways
You’re growing my faith and I’m learning to lean
On You all of my days

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Worship (ASCAP)

John 14... Jesus is Speaking

2008-06-17T13:36:00.004-04:00

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Arise, let us go hence.

verses 1, 18, 20, 27, 31 taken from John 14 (KJV)

The Faithful Promiser

2008-06-17T08:00:00.002-04:00

'And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish' John 10:28

The Christian should never think or speak lightly of unbelief. For a child of God to mistrust His love, His truth, His faithfulness, must be greatly displeasing to Him. How can we ever grieve Him by doubting His upholding grace? Christian! it is contrary to every promise of God's precious Word that thou shouldnst ever be forgotten or left to perish. If it could be so, how could He be true who has said, 'Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I never forget thee.' What were the value of that promise - 'The mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but My kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of My peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee'? Where were the truth of Christ's words - 'I give unto My sheep eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of My hand. My Father, which gave them Me is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of My Father's hand;? Where were the doctrines of grace? They would be all disproved if one child of God should perish. Where were the veracity of His oath, if any of those for whom Christ has died, and who have put their trust in Him should nevertheless be cast away? Banish those unbelieving fears which so dishonour God. Arise, shake thyself from the dust, and put on they beautiful garments. Remember it is sinful to doubt His Word wherein He has promised thee that thou shalt never perish. Let the eternal life within thee express itself in confident rejoicing.

'The gospel bears my spirit up: a faithful and unchanging God lays the foundation for my hope, in oaths, and promises, and blood.'

-Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening

Pulling back

2008-06-16T09:04:00.002-04:00

Over the past few weeks, God has been impressing on my heart 2 things:

1. Find rest in ME!
2. Simplify and re-prioritize.

Don't quite know what all this means. Don't know where to begin. Would appreciate your prayers.

Ten Looks at God's grace

2008-06-13T07:46:00.002-04:00

1. i'm grateful that God saved me from drugs, sex and alcohol at age 25 instead of age 52 (or not at all).

2. i'm grateful that God's grace was so evident in my friend's lives that day at Carowinds (amusement park) that I saw the gospel being lived out in evident ways - ways that made God's kindness appealing! thanks guys! I love you!!!

3. i'm grateful for the love that my church family sacrificially displayed to me time and time again when i used to come to church with hangovers.

4. i'm grateful that, by God's grace alone, I no longer do come to church with hangovers but instead am in a place where I can serve and love my friends who serve and love me with such excellence.

5. i'm grateful that the Britt family chose to move to my town and plant a church and share with me the wondrous love displayed by Jesus on the Cross.

6. i'm grateful for the greatest place on earth (my church -Sov. Grace church in Greenville SC). I could write a book about this one.

7. i'm grateful for my Bible. (make that Bibles - I have 5!). I'm grateful for William Tyndale and the work He did in translating it so that I have an English copy. I'm grateful for Martin Luther and the work He did too so that I can have a copy in German too!

8. i'm grateful that God has given us the ability to love Him.

9. i'm grateful for the trials from the past 6 months that God has graciously and lovingly carried me through. i'm grateful for His evident grace that has been there each step of the painful way.

10. i'm grateful for the admonition of Stephen to think of 10 ways we're grateful. what a great way to start my day! thank you!

Ten Looks at God's charachter

2008-06-12T21:46:00.005-04:00

CJ Mahaney encourages Christians to take ten looks to the Cross for every one look at your sin. Yesterday, over an amazingly yummy dinner with Sarah at PF Changs, I was encouraging her to take ten looks to the charachter of our God instead of focusing on our problems and failures. Here are ten looks (similar though not exactly the same as the ten looks I reminded Sarah of last night)

1. The Creator of the Universe is the powerful God who is not limited by man's sin.

2. The Husband loves His bride, though He is fully aware that her heart does not love him with an unadulterated love and passion.

3. The God who split the Red sea and led the Children of Israel through the wilderness is the same God that is leading through my wilderness today.

4. The Jesus who chose to suffer and die, did so, fully knowing that He was taking the death that I deserved.

5. The King in Revelation is coming to conquer the enemies that wage war against my soul.

6. The Friend who said "Meet me in Galilee" is fully aware of my failures and chooses to love me in spite of that.

7. The Spirit who saved 3000 in one day with His amazing power, is the same God who just saved Kevin's wife.

8. The Jesus who wept is the same Sovereign Lord who cares for my weakness.

9. The God that does not always speak in thunderous ways, lovingly still chooses to reveal Himself to us (though sometimes only in a whisper).

10. The God that revealed Himself in His Word, does not lie and will cause every promise to be fulfilled.

To No Avail...

2008-06-09T21:56:00.000-04:00

A letter from Hudson Taylor to his sister, Amelia, October, 1869

My own dear sister….My mind has been greatly exercised for the past six or eight months, feeling the need personally, and for our Mission, of more holiness, life and power in our souls. But personal need stood first and was the greatest. I felt the ingratitude, the danger, the sin of not living nearer to God. I prayed, agonized, fasted, strove, made resolutions, read the Word more diligently, sought more time for retirement and meditation - but all was without avail. Every day, almost every hour, the consciousness of sin oppressed me.

I knew that if I could only abide in Christ all would be well, but I could not. I would begin the day with prayer, determined not to take my eye from Him for a moment, but pressure of duties, sometimes very trying, constant interruptions, often very wearing, would cause me to forget Him….Each day brought its register of sin, failure, and lack of power. To will was indeed present with me, but how to perform, I found not.

Then came the question, "Is there no rescue? Must it be like this till the end - constant conflict and, instead of victory, too often defeat?"….Instead of growing stronger, I seemed to be getting weaker and to have less power against sin; and no wonder, for faith and even hope were getting very low. I hated myself; I hated my sin; and yet I gained no strength against it.

I felt I was a child of God; His Spirit in my heart would cry, in spite of all, "Abba, Father", but to rise to my privileges as a child, I was utterly powerless. I thought that holiness was to be gradually attained by a diligent use of the means of grace. I felt that there was nothing I so much desired in this world, nothing I so much needed. But the more I pursued and strove after holiness, the more it eluded my grasp, till hope itself almost died out, and I began to think that perhaps to make heaven the sweeter, God would not give it to us in this life.

I do not think I was striving to attain it in my own strength. I knew I was powerless. I told the Lord so, and asked Him to give me help and strength and sometimes I almost believed He would keep and uphold me. But on looking back in the evening, there was sin and failure to confess and mourn before God.

I would not give you the impression that this was the daily experience of all those long, weary months, but it tended to be a too frequent state of soul and I almost ended up in despair. And yet, never did Christ seem more precious a Savior who could and would save such a sinner! And sometimes there were seasons not only of peace but of joy in the Lord. But they were fleeting and at best there was a sad lack of power. Oh, how good the Lord has been in bringing this conflict to an end!

All the time I felt assured that there was in Christ all I needed, but the practical question was how to get it out. He was rich, but I was poor; He was strong, but I was weak. I knew full well that there was in the vine, in the root, the stem, abundant fatness; but how to get it into my puny little branch was the question.

As gradually the light dawned on me, I saw that faith was the only prerequisite to laying hold of His fullness and making it my own. But I had not this faith . .. . I strove for it, but it would not come; I tried to exercise it, but in vain. Seeing more and more the wondrous supply of grace laid up in Jesus, the fullness of our precious Savior - my helplessness and guilt seemed to increase. Sins committed appeared but as trifles compared with the sin of unbelief which was their cause, which could not or would not take God at His word, but rather made Him a liar! Unbelief was, I felt, the damning sin of the world - yet I indulged in it. I prayed for faith but it did not come. What was I to do?

When my agony of soul was at its height, a sentence in a letter from dear McCarthy was used to remove the scales from my eyes, and the Spirit of God revealed the truth of our oneness with Jesus as I had never seen it before.

McCarthy, who had been much exercised by the same sense of failure, but saw the light before I did, wrote (I quote from memory): "But how to get faith strengthened? Not by striving after faith, but by resting on the Faithful One."

As I read I saw it all! "If we believe not, [yet] He remains faithful." I looked to Jesus and saw (and when I saw, oh, how joy flowed!) that He had said, "I will never leave you." "Ah, here is rest!" I thought. "I have striven in vain to rest in Him. I'll strive no more. For has He not promised to abide with me - never to leave me, never to fail me?" And…He never will!

But this was not all He showed me, nor one half. As I thought of the vine and the branches, what light the blessed Spirit poured directly into my soul! How great seemed my mistake in having wished to get the sap, the fullness, out of Him. I saw not only that Jesus would never leave me, but that I was a member of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. The vine now I see is not the root merely, but all - root, stem, branches, twigs, leaves, flowers, fruit; and Jesus is not only that; He is soil and sunshine, air and showers, and ten thousand times more than we have ever dreamed, wished for, or needed. Oh the joy of seeing this truth! I do pray that the eyes of your understanding may be enlightened, that you may know and enjoy the riches freely given us in Christ.

Oh, my dear sister, it is a wonderful thing to be really one with a risen and exalted Savior, to be a member of Christ! Think what it involves. Can Christ be rich and I poor? Can your right hand be rich and the left poor? Or your head be well fed while your body starves? Again, think of this bearing on prayer. Could a bank clerk say to a customer, "It was only your hand that wrote that check, not you," or "I cannot pay this sum to your hand, but only to yourself?" No more can your prayers, or mine, be discredited if offered in the name of Jesus (i.e. not in your own name, or even for the sake of Jesus, but on the ground that we are His, His members) so long as we keep within the extent of Christ's credit - a considerably wide limit!

If we ask anything unscriptural or not in accordance with the will of God, Christ Himself could not do that; but "If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us; and . . . we know that we have the petitions that we desired of Him."

The sweetest part, if one may speak of one part being sweeter than another, is the rest which full identification with Christ brings. I am no longer anxious about anything, as I realize this; for He, I know, is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine. It makes no difference where He places me, or how. That is rather for Him to consider than for me; for in the easiest positions He must give me His grace, and in the most difficult His grace is sufficient.

It matters little to my servant whether I send him to buy a few dollars worth of things or the most expensive articles. In either case he looks to me for the money and brings me his purchases. So if God places me in great perplexity, must He not give me much guidance; or in positions of great difficulty, much grace; or in circumstances of great pressure and trial, much strength? There is no fear that His resources will be unequal to the emergency! And His resources are mine for He is mine, and is with me and dwells in me.

All this springs from the believer's oneness with Christ. And since Christ is now living in my heart by faith, how happy I have been! I wish I could tell you instead of writing about it.
I am no better than before (in one sense, I do not wish to be, nor am I striving to be); but I am dead and buried with Christ - yes, and risen too and ascended; and now Christ lives in me, and "the life that I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." I now believe that I am dead to sin. God reckons me so, and tells me to reckon myself so. He knows best. All my past experiences may have shown that it was not so; but I dare not say it is not, when He says it is. I feel and know that old things have passed away. I am as capable of sinning as ever, but Christ is realized as present as never before. He cannot sin; and He can keep me from sinning.

I am sorry to have to confess it, but I cannot say that since I have seen this light I have not sinned; but I do feel there was no need to have done so. And further - walking more in the light, my conscience has been more tender; sin has been instantly seen, confessed, pardoned; and peace and joy (with humility) instantly restored; with one exception, when for several hours peace and joy did not return - from lack, as I had to learn, of full confession, and from some attempt to justify self.

Faith, I now see, is "the substance of things hoped for" and not mere shadow. It is not less than sight, but more. Sight only shows the outward forms of things; faith gives the substance. You can rest on substance; you can feed on substance. Christ dwelling in the heart by faith (i.e. faith in His word of promise) is power indeed, is life indeed. And Christ and sin will not dwell together; nor can we experience His presence with love of the world or carefulness about "many things."

And now I must close. I have not said half I would like to say if I had more time. May God give you the grace to lay hold on these blessed truths. Do not let us continue to say, in effect, "Who shall ascend into heaven? that is, to bring Christ down from above." In other words, do not let us consider Him as far off when God has made us one with Him, members of His very body. Nor should we look upon this experience, these truths, as only for the few. They are the birthright of every child of God, and no one can dispense with them without dishonor to our Lord. The only power for deliverance from sin or for serving the Lord is Christ.

Your own affectionate brother,
J. HUDSON TAYLOR

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so, I know that this letter states that it was written by Hudson to Amelia, but I beg to differ. As I was reading, I became convinced that it was written my my sweet Holy Spirit directly to me.

It goes without saying that I didn't make it quite past the first paragraph without welling up with tears. By the 4th paragraph, my eyes were puddles. For months, I have felt dry. I have been pursuing God, I have grown deeply in trusting His goodness, but I have felt very distant from His presence. As I have been growing in glorying in the Gospel, I have simultaneously felt my heart growing farther from my sweet Jesus who I was yearning for more intimately.

How can my heart be drawn to Him and be feeling so abandoned at the same time? How can I desire yet feel so distracted? I'm such a "puny branch" and am so aware of that. I so desire and long for His strength to flow through my branches, but have, like Hudson, felt despairing of the journey so often over the past few weeks and months.

Going into New Attitude this year, I felt that God was saying to me "Emily, come to me, and I will give you rest." So, I went expecting rest. I went praying for that and waiting with great expectation of that rest, and yet, the conference evolved into 4 days of turmoil. It was four long and painful days of sin after sin being revealed. I felt very alone, frustrated, and more upset as I saw pride welling up in me.

John Newton wrote a song called "prayers answered by the crosses" in which he describes this struggle. He says "I asked the Lord that I might grow... might seek more earnestly His face..." ... but where He led him was to a place of despair. A place where He realized his utter nothingness and then said "seek more earnestly my face... find your all in me."

Until I read this letter, I had not pieced together my union with Christ and the importance that has on my life right here, right now, right in the midst of my "wilderness" and sensing of God's absence. My account is empty, but I'm with Him and His is full! My heart is dry and parched, but He is an unending Spring of Delight.

In the midst of my confusion, He is full of clarity and joy. In my despair (sinfully and pridefully) over my sin, He rejoices in reminding me of the words "it is finished." What a beautiful truth that encompasses.

How overwhelming that is. What peace that gives. I am grateful for this letter. I am grateful for the truths it expresses. It points to my Savior, not to my need. It points to His abundance, as greater than my lack. My Jesus is Strength. In my weakness, He is more than sufficient. The cup of His grace will never EVER run dry!

Wow!

Around the blogosphere

2008-06-09T07:47:00.004-04:00

Download a free copy of Downhere's album "Wide Eyed and Mystified." Get it here.

Steve at the Old Red Hat has some thoughts on when God hammers away at your life. Read it here.

Things to ponder at "Evidences of Grace"

Ann has some thoughts on how to be full and overflowing with joy

Kristen is a great example of how to suffer in trials and trust God’s love when He chooses not to take our pain away. I can't pick a favorite post on this blog.

Check out the latest updates from Sovereign Grace Music here

Spurgeon on God's Love

2008-06-06T17:56:00.001-04:00

I once knew a good woman who was the subject of many doubts, and when I got to the bottom of her doubt, it was this: she knew she loved Christ, but she was afraid he did not love her. ‘Oh!’ I said, ‘that is a doubt that will never trouble me; never, by any possibility, because I am sure of this, that the heart is so corrupt, naturally, that love to God never did get there without God putting it there.’ You may rest quite certain, that if you love God, it is a fruit, and not a root. It is the fruit of God’s love to you, and did not get there by any the force of any goodness in you. You may conclude, with absolute certainty, that God loves you if you love God.

Charles Spurgeon

Confessions

2008-06-06T17:33:00.002-04:00

O Lord, I am Thy servant: I am Thy servant and the son of Thy handmaid. Thou hast broken my bonds. I will sacrifice to Thee the sacrifice of praise. Let my heart and my tongue praise Thee, and let all my bones say, O Lord who is like to Thee? Let them say and do Thou answer me and say to my soul: I am thy salvation. Who am I an what kind of man am I? What evil has there not been in my deeds, or if not in my deeds, in my words, or if not in my words, then in my will? But You, Lord, are good and merciful, and Your right hand had regard to the profundity of my death and drew out the abyss of corruption that was in the bottom of my heart. By Your giftI had come totally not to will what I willed but to will what You willed. But where in all that long time was my free will, and from what deep sunken hiding-place was it suddently summoned forth in the moment in which I bowed my neck to Your easy yoke and my shoulders to Your light burden, Christ Jesus, my Helper and my Redeemer? How lovely I suddenly found it to be free from the loveliness of those vanitites, so that now it was a joy to renounce what I had been so afraid to lose. For You cast them out of me, O true and supreme Loveliness, You cast them out of me and took their place in me, You who are sweeter than all pleasure, yet not to flesh and blood; brighter than all light, yet deeper within than any secret; loftier than all honour, but not to those who are lofty to themselves. Now my mind was free from the cares that had gnawed it, from aspiring and getting and weltering in filth and rubbing the scab of lust. And I talked with You as friends talk, my glory and my riches and my salvation, my Lord God.

Augustine Confessions: Book Nine, Chapter One: The Joy of Conversion.

The Answer for the Hope

2008-06-05T13:21:00.004-04:00

Today at lunch, God opened up a door to share with my new coworker, the answer to the hope that is within me. It started with a conversation about my new job, learning how to work with new personalities, etc. That somehow morphed into a discussion about where I live, where I go to church and how I ended up there.

My coworker is not a Christian, does not claim to be, and from what I assess, is who I was 5 years ago - skeptical about a belief that in many ways seems "too good to be true." I remember telling Rick 5 years ago that the church family he was describing to me didn't exist, but if it did, that must truly be the greatest place on earth. But that I didn't believe it existed at all. My coworker's in that place today.

She seems to be open to hearing what I have to say, out of a genuine desire to get to know who I am. What an opportunity to share with her who my Jesus is.

So, I was able to start the conversation about what true genuine Christ-like love looks like - it looks like something we don't often see from "church-goers" - it looks like a transformation of what a person values in their life - it looks like loving the unloveable, caring more for their souls than the outward appearance (with an understanding that the outward appearance often reflects the inner man), disagreeing with someone's actions but not judging the person.

I didn't quite express it in those terms, but I shared with her what an impact my friends at Sovereign Grace Church have had on my hopeless life. My intent was to start building a relationship, start sharing some of what God has done in me, and when she mentioned that "I've really pulled myself up by my bootstraps" attempting humbly (though not fully understood) that my life is just an example of God's amazing grace at work.

She accurately mentioned that "you can't just change yourself - its important to have other people around you helping you see the truth." How true that statement is. I shared with her that apart from God's grace at work in and through my friends, I can confidently say I would not be today where I am now.

I think today's conversation was the first of many. I am grateful for my friends. I am indebted to the change that God has brought about as a result of their faithful witness to me - through their faithful living out of humble orthodoxy. By God's grace, I desire to live that same witness out before my coworker and friend. I pray that God opens her eyes, that perhaps she comes to church in a few weeks when I am going to be baptized.

I haven't yet asked if she would like to come -I pray that God would deepen the friendship, that He would support this bridge so that one day I will be able to carry across the truth of my Friend that died on a tree so many years ago.

I pray that God would continue to provide opportunities like today, when my union with Christ flowed as an easy topic of conversation. Looking back on lunch, wow... His grace was evident. I did not fear to share with her, the words flowed off my tongue with excitement about who my friends (and who my Greatest Friend) are. How sweet to see if the God who pursued me through the lives of my friends, would use me and begin (or possibly continue?!) to pursue my coworker. I pray that the Hound of Heaven would go hunting again, that the Shepherd would seek out yet another lost sheep, and that He would passionately and personally pursue her through His love, as displayed most magnificently on the Cross.

Rest, not Action

2008-06-04T08:21:00.002-04:00

The following is an excerpt from The Blazing Center.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not wantHe makes me lie down in green pastures.He leads me beside still waters.He restores my soul. (PS 23.1-3)

Ps 23 begins with God. The Lord of the Universe has taken upon himself the task of being the shepherd of his sheep. Because of who he is, we shall not want.

The Psalm is a catalog of all the ways our Great Shepherd Jesus cares for us. It begins with the Shepherd making a sheep lie down in lush green pastures beside still, soothing waters.

The sheep isn’t running around worrying about where his next meal is coming from – he’s lying down in green pastures. The Psalm doesn’t start with action, it starts with rest. Christianity isn’t so much about what we do for God, it’s about all God does for us. “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 JN 4.10).

What a needed and beautiful reminder this is. My faith is built, not on my merits or works, but on God's holy activity. My Father loves me. My Savior redeemed me. My Spirit guides me. My Shepherd cares for my needs.

the God of Narnia

2008-06-02T21:22:00.008-04:00

I started reading a new book today. Its a book I've had for a few months and have read snippets of, but today, I actually started on page one (a very good place to start...).

Since Na, I have been struggling with fear. Fear to approach God. Fear because I know He's not safe, though I do believe Him to be good. Fear of submitting. Fear of sacrifice.

I long for the day when my sin does not cause me to want to hide, but instead when seeing that makes me run unhindered to the cross. Yet, still I desire to hide. And still, my Father, is calling to me. My Jesus is not saying "get away" rather "get back in line."

I can feel the cords drawing me back to the cross. I can hear the voice of my Savior saying "come home.. ye who are weary come home." Softly and tenderly, not harsh and angrily, He is calling. "Emily, your heart is longing. What you don't realize right now (or what you in your anger are not wanting to admit), is that what your heart is longing for is me."

Like Jill in the Silver Chair, I am thirsty. Thirsty, yet full of fear and so aware of my pride and sin (the following is an excerpt from The Heart of the Chronicles of Narnia: Knowing God here by finding Him there by Thomas Williams)

In the Silver Chair, the schoolgirl Jill finds herself alone and terribly thirsty in an unknown woods. She comes upon a stream, but between her and the water sits the great Lion. Though her thirst is overpowering, she stops in her tracks, too fearful to advance or to run.
"If you're thirsty, you may drink," says the Lion.
The terrified Jill wants assurance that she will not be eaten. "Will you promise not to - do anything to me, if I do come?" she asks.
"I make no promise" the Lion answers.
"I daren't come and drink," Jill replies.
"Then you will die of thirst," the Lion tells her. When Jill says she will go and look for another stream the Lion responds, "There is no other stream."
In the end, Jill musters up the courage to step forward and drink, though it is the hardest thing she has ever done. The God of Narnia cannot be manipulated by human wants. The Lion knows that Jill needs water, and he wants her to have it. But she wants it on her own terms, which means avoiding him and getting a guarantee of safety.
Aslan knows that Jill's terms for happiness will not achieve her ultimate goal. She wants fulfillment without encountering God, and her fulfillment on those terms is possible. Aslan ignores her desire for comfort and safety, insisting that she take the necessary risk of encountering God as the ultimate satisfaction of all needs and desires.

I was created to find my happiness in Him alone. God, please grant grace to turn away from my fear and self-gratifying desires and idolatry. Help me to see You as the joy for which I was created. Grant me the gift of humility and repentance to run to You as the Source of my only strength. I can't do this on my own. I am weak, needy and distracted. But I am grateful I have a God that is strength in my weakness, that is sufficient to meet my need and that can focus my distracted heart on Him alone.

Move, I beg You, upon my disordered heart

2008-06-02T06:54:00.003-04:00

(A Puritan Prayer)

O Holy Spirit, Move, I beg You, upon my disordered heart.
Take away my unruly desires and hateful lusts.
Lift the mists and darkness of unbelief.
Brighten my soul with the pure light of truth.

Make it . . .
fragrant as the garden of paradise,
rich with every goodly fruit,
beautiful with heavenly grace,
radiant with rays of divine light.

Be my . . .
comforter,
light,
guide,
sanctifier.

Take of the things of Christ and show them to my soul.
Through You may I daily learn more of His . . .
love,
grace,
compassion,
faithfulness,
beauty.

Lead me to the cross and show me . . .
His wounds,
the hateful nature of evil,
the power of Satan.

May I there see my sins as . . .
the nails which transfixed Him,
the cords which bound Him,
the thorns which tore Him,
the sword which pierced Him.

Help me to find in His death--
the reality and immensity of His love.

Open for me the wondrous volumes of truth in His death.

Increase my faith in the clear knowledge of . . .
atonement achieved,
redemption completed,
guilt done away,
my debt paid,
my sins forgiven,
my soul saved,
hell vanquished,
heaven opened,
eternity made mine.

O Holy Spirit, deepen in me these saving lessons.

Write them upon my heart, that my walk be . . .
sin-loathing,
sin-fleeing,
Christ-loving.

When God Waits - Na* Recap

2008-05-29T20:52:00.010-04:00

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher.

Isaiah 30:18-20

This passage would be a good description of my journey this year at Na 08. Isaiah 30 talks about the rebellious children of Israel. It talks about their plans and steps that they take which are not guided by the Lord. It speaks of self-sufficient children. It speaks of me.

I approached Na this year expecting a refreshing time with God, expecting to glory in Him greater by seeing Him work in amazing ways (expecting Him to answer my prayers because I had "asked correctly"). Instead, He showed me my sin. He showed me my utter inability to change myself and He showed me my hopeless state when I'm left to my own legalistic ability. He waited to be gracious. He waited in order to humble me. He waited as I grew angry. He did not cast me off; He waited to show me my great need. And when I cried to Him to be my hope, He graciously heard my cry.

But even there, the answer was not as expected. I thought I'd see a feast, yet I found an answer in the form of "bread of affliction and water of adversity" (Is. 30). Instead of "rest," His response to me was simply "Emily, be faithful in the little things I've called you to. Don't be so tied to expecting great blessings that you miss my hand working when you cannot trace it. I'm working now too, don't be so proud that you miss it. Repent of your legalism and pride, and keep walking in faith, looking to Me as your support.

Na 06 and Na 07 were "rooms." I walked into those conferences and was overwhelmed with what I saw and felt and tasted - I was overwhelmed with who my God is. I left those rooms changed forever by what I saw there. I have spent 2 years gleaning from those experiences. This year was radically different. I expected a room yet encountered a door. I expected power in "earthquake-like" ways, yet I was simply reminded of the truths that I had become familiar with.

At first glance, it did not seem as impressive or even an answer at all. But I believe that God will use (and is using) that door to open up a deeper longing for Him in the coming weeks and months.

He is my answer. His Word is what brings life. His Spirit brings my dead heart to life. He loved me first.

Enter through that door and find life and rest. Bask in the greatness found there. Rejoice in the patience of the Savior.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I ask'd the Lord, that I might grow
In faith, and love, and ev'ry grace,
Might more of his salvation know,
And seek more earnestly his face.

'Twas he who taught me thus to pray,
And he, I trust has answer'd pray'r;
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hop'd that in some favour'd hour,
At once he'd answer my request:
And by his love's constraining pow'r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this. he made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow'rs of hell
Assault my soul in ev'ry part.

Yea more, with his own hand he seem'd
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Cross'd all the fair designs I schem'd,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this, I trembling cry'd,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
"'Tis in this way," the Lord reply'd,
"I answer pray'r for grace and faith."

"These inward trials I employ,
From self and pride to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou mayst seek thy all in me."

John Newton

Do you believe?

2008-05-29T17:41:00.002-04:00

Do you believe that I know what is best?
Do you believe that I’ve chosen you for this test?
Though you may not understand it
Though you may not have a clue
I’ve designed what you’re going through just for you

I’ve heard the questions that you’ve asked me
When you wonder if I care
My promises are trustworthy
You can know I’ll be there

My son knows your weaknesses
Suffered in your place
He took the pain that you deserved
So that you could know my grace

There will be a day
When there’ll be no more pain
Look upon my face
And know the trial was worth it

All the things I do
I’m working now in you
To trust me, to know me,
to believe me, to love me
To draw close to you

And If I heal you
I can heal you
I have power to turn this around
If you don’t see healing until you see me
Anything can be changed

You wonder if I know what is best
I’ve chosen you for this test
My grace is sufficient for all that you need
My grace will lead you to me.

sung by Bob Kauflin at Na08

Amid all the confusion and tangle

2008-05-29T07:18:00.005-04:00

(J. R. Miller, "The Beauty of Self-control")

"Hold me up--and I shall be safe!" Psalm 119:117

Certain ancient mariners were accustomed to say, as they put out to sea, "Keep me, O God, for my boat is so small--and the ocean is so great and stormy!"

There could not be a fitter prayer for a Christian--as he sets out in life. The world is vast and full of perils, and a Christian, even the best, is very weak and frail. He has no ability to face the difficulties, the obstacles, the hardships he must face, if he is to pass successfully through life. The world is large, and full of storm and struggle--and only a few get through it safely.

If there were no one greater and stronger than ourselves, into whose keeping we may commit our lives, as we go out to meet the perils--what hope could we have of ever getting through safely?

The Christian cannot guide himself. He cannot master the storms. He cannot shelter himself. "Keep of me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge!" (Psalm 16:1) should be his prayer, not only once when he launches his barque--but daily, hourly.

Christ alone, is able to keep our lives. But does Jesus really care for our little individual lives? Yes! The very thing that Jesus does for us--is to be the keeper of our lives as we pass through the world with its storms and dangers.

Christ alone, is able to guide us. The world is a great mass of tangled paths. They run everywhere, crossing each other in all directions. Hands are forever beckoning us here and there--and we know not which beckoning to follow. Even friendship, loyal as it may be, sincere and sympathetic as it is--lacks wisdom and may guide us mistakenly.

But there is One only whose wisdom is infallible, whose advice never errs--and He is our Guide! There is a little prayer in Psalm 143 which pleads: "Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul." This prayer, if sincere, will always be answered.

We may see no hand leading us. We may hear no voice saying, as we walk in the darkness, "This is the way--walk in it." Yet if we seek divine guidance and accept it implicitly--we shall always have it.

Not only do we have keeping and guidance in Christ--but everything we need on the way--and then eternal blessedness! We may commit our lives into His hands with absolute confidence. He will take us with all our faults and our sins--and will keep us from hurt in all the perils of the way. He will lead us in the right path amid all the confusion and tangle--and then He will bring us to glory!

"To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy--to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore!" Jude 1:24-25

Trust His Heart

2008-05-28T06:25:00.003-04:00

Its 6:30 the following morning after Na08 and I've already been at work for 30 minutes. I think this borders on insanity. The word "exhaustion" doesn't seem to come close to describing my state right now.

The conference was great, though not what expected (more on that at some point). God's presence was very active. Evidences of grace abounded within the folks in our group. I am grateful.

I was glad to sleep in my own bed last night. :)

My First Book!!

2008-05-22T20:58:00.004-04:00

My first book is now officially done - a hand written copy of "The Faithful Promiser" by Puritan Author John MacDuff. Woo Hoo!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!! I hope that this book brings you as much enjoyment, encouragement and hope as you read it as it gave me while I was writing and binding itfor you.

Absent

2008-05-20T22:13:00.004-04:00

between a wicked, evil mystery virus on my laptop and a new job at work, I have not had the time this week that I'd like to write. :(

I'm looking forward to leaving Saturday for my trip to Kentucky. I look forward to "learning overload" at Na08. I'm excited to have a few days off work.

I plan to take my computer with me and post throughout the conference. The past two years, it has simply been an intense time of learning, having fun with friends and experiencing God's presence. I'm looking forward to another year of the same.

Sometimes...

2008-05-18T18:28:00.004-04:00

... you try to write but the words just dont come.

... there's much to do but no sense of urgency.

... you miss out on something but feel that you really didn't miss out at all.

... seeing someone else happy makes you even happier than if you yourself were happy to begin with.

... you look in the mirror but don't see who you truly are until someone else tells you what they see.

... music expresses your feeling better than words ever could.

... its more fun to help someone else spend their money than to buy something for yourself.

... cooking dinner is more fun than eating it.

... I wish I could soar like a bird and just look down on the scenery below.

... the journey is more fulfilling than the answer.

Stripped of Rags

2008-05-18T17:35:00.003-04:00

I've had several conversations over the past few days about our tendency as Christians to neglect trusting God for present trials because we forget His past faithfulness. Like the Children of Israel, we get bored with manna and forget that its a gift. We grumble because we only have water to drink. We look to golden calves instead of our priceless Gift to bring us comfort and hope.

Last year at Na, we sang a song containing the words "Jesus strip me of everything that I would lean on so I will lean on you. Disarm me of everything I'd depend on so I'll depend on you."

Those are hard words to sing until you realize what He's stripping you from is rags. He's disarming you from trash to give you a treasure. He's taking rags and giving a beautiful robe.

God has spent several years in my life stripping me. And to some degree, the process continues daily.

But wow - as I look back, I can see He has in fact stripped me of countless rags. Rags that I once valued above everything - rags like addictions, stuff, money and health (along with so many others). He is killing my love for money and has replaced it with me being able to use my love for shopping and putting things together, and has allowed me to use that helping other people in buying new clothes, shoes, bags, etc - getting great deals and putting it all together in a super cute way! He is using that ability to bless and encourage others in ways I never would have imagined.

He temporarily (albeit over and over and over again) took my health and has shown me the beauty in His power being perfected in my weakness. He's taken my angst and given me peace and hope. He reminds me when my heart fears, that He is the God who calms the waves.

So, I start a new job tomorrow. I'm headed off into the great unknown, yet again. In 5 days, I'll leave for Na08. And my prayer is that I will simply enjoy Him. That my passion for Him would deepen. That my hope and confidence in Him would grow. That I would fall hopelessly in love with the Lover of my soul - and that it would be fun.

As everything I know changes (as it so often does), I pray that by God's grace, I would not try to grasp for my rags of comfort but that I would glory in who He is and what He's done in and through me.

His grace is truly amazing. As I see glimpses, I really do stand here in awe.

Too Busy?

2008-05-15T09:19:00.007-04:00

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love. Lamentations 3:21-25,31

I was reminded of these verses this morning. How I am grateful for the great faithfulness of my God and abundant mercies that are new every morning. If I were to describe this week as crazy, that would be an understatement. But I'm aware that the craziness is only beginning.

This week at work has consisted of long hours training my replacement for my current job, completing the tasks that have been on the "back burner" for months and finishing the training manual on how to do the tasks I do on a daily / weekly / monthly basis. It is a critical week for Monika (my replacement) because beginning on Monday, I will be swamped with learning my new job and will not have much (if any) time available for her training.

My relationship with God has slipped. Or better stated, plumeted off a cliff. To my shame, I've found myself "too busy" to read about God, "too tired" to pray and "too overwhelmed" to approach the only One who can assist me.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:38-42

As I'm sitting here, distracted by all the preparations that need to be made, I have, like Martha, forgotten the main thing. Though its true that preparations need to be made, they cannot be my main focus. In my desire to end my current position with excellence, I cannot forget that my ultimate responsibility is not to my manager. My ultimate goal is not to properly train Monika. My ultimate task is to look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith.

My coworker, Jay Tee, just walked by singing in his typical fashion. He either sings Christmas songs, or the good old-time-y gospel hymns. Today, He walked by my desk singing "all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer." (excerpt from "What a Friend we Have in Jesus"). Its exactly what I needed to hear.

I have a friend in Jesus.

He cares about my business.

He wants to reveal more of Himself to me through this time.

He gives abundant mercies to cover my loads of cares.

He is still my Refuge.

He is my Shield.

He bears my griefs.

He listenes to my prayers.

He strengthens in my weakness.

He patiently loves and simply reminds me to get back in line.

He reminds me what truly is necessary.

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

2008-05-15T09:18:00.000-04:00

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, You hast promised You will all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to You in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

hymn written in 1855 by Joseph M Scriven

Only One Thing

2008-05-15T09:17:00.002-04:00

Shut out the world with all its distractions

All of its noise and empty attractions

And shut me in, Lord

To the presence of Your glory

Shut out my cares and all of my worries

All of my fears and all of my hurries

And shut me in, Lord

To the presence of Your glory

Only one thing is necessary

To sit at Your feet

And gaze upon Your beauty

Shut out the lie that I can’t come near You

You bought me with blood and taught me to fear You

So shut me in, Lord

To the presence of Your glory

For here in Your presence my soul is satisfied

Here in Your presence my soul finds all delight

Here in Your presence my soul is thirsting for You

Yes, I’m thirsting for You

Only one thing is necessary

To sit at Your feet

And gaze upon Your beauty

written by Mark Altrogge
Listen here

Download songs and lyrics here

I Will Sing

2008-05-13T12:28:00.003-04:00

I will sing of your strength;

I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning.

For you have been to me a fortress

and a refuge in the day of my distress.

O my Strength,

I will sing praises to you,

for you, O God, are my fortress,

the God who shows me steadfast love.

Psalm 59

Dream

2008-05-12T13:08:00.008-04:00

So, on Saturday night I had a dream like I've never had before. I awoke overwhelmed, encouraged and freshly aware of God's kind sovereignty. Here's how it went.

God has given me an unusual burden for my friends in Myanmar. I don't know why, other than to share in their burdens and approach the Throne of Grace asking for help in their time of need. They've been on my mind almost constantly since Cyclone Nargis hit 10 days ago.

So, in this dream, I was allowed to travel to Burma to provide needed relief aid to the disaster vicitims. Imagine Hurricaine Katrina hitting an area with wooden houses and sheds. Its no surprise the devastation is great. While there, I was meeting Burmese families who had lost children, wives who lost husbands, men who had no way to provide for the family members that remained.

I met with a Christian lady (still dreaming, remember) who had lost the pastor of her church, her husband and 2 of her three small children. She had no home to return to, no job to work in order to provide the basic necessities for her small boy and no available medical care. From a worldly perspective, this dear child of God had no hope.

As I handed her a cup of water, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and told me how grateful she was. I asked her why. "How can you be grateful? You've just lost everything."

With tears streaming down her dirty, weathered face, she looked at me and said (through a translator) that her husband, 2 children and her pastor were now in the presence of Jesus. How her tear-filled eyes rejoiced! She missed them. Her heart ached for the small comforts she had only 11 days ago (though I would have, in my western-worldview not seen even that as "comfort"). But she smiled. She had hope amidst a hopeless situation.

She rejoiced in her trial because her almighty Sovereign God had planned that cyclone to obliterate her town. He knew it was coming long before she did. He knew, before she was ever born that on May the 2nd, 2008, her world would change forever. But this God, who is all-powerful loved her. He, who controls the winds and waves, cared for her soul enough to open her eyes to the love of Jesus. She, my nameless friend from a dream, rejoiced because, though she was born Buddhist, was told of Jesus several years ago. And He became beautiful to her. He brought hope to her war-ravaged world.

I wanted to hug her, but the culture there is not as personal and open to feeling as mine is and I did not want to offend her. So instead, I told her that I had been praying for them. I then asked how I could pray specifically for her.

She wanted me to know that she was blessed - that she had already been given everything. She wanted me to pray for her friends that didn't have this same hope. She wanted me to pray that her faith in her sovereign, loving Jesus would grow through this "light and temporary affliction." She wanted me to share that blessing with others that I knew too.

Then I woke up.

When I got to church a few hours later (I had the dream Saturday night), we prayed during worship for the folks in Burma. God reminded me at that point, that we were corporately offering up a sweet smelling offering to our God that controls the waves. Through Jesus, our feeble prayers and humble songs were a beautiful sight and smell before the Throne of Grace.

The worship set was in many senses a disaster - the sound equipment didn't work at all; half the band couldn't play as a result. It was from a musical standpoint very amateur. But what a reminder - Jesus took those feeble attempts and perfected that worship. When it arrived before the Throne, the Almighty Commander of the Waves received the sweet gift of a beautiful symphony of praise. As we were more aware of our weakness, He became yet again greater to me.

Worship yesterday was powerful. It was as if the roof was lifted and I could see Jesus handing God the Father a beautiful package of us simultaneously acknowledging our neediness and His all-encompassing greatness.

I often forget that transaction that takes place at my church at 10 AM each Sunday morning.

One day, we'll all be standing together before that throne, singing in every language, rejoicing with praise alongside that pastor and husband and those 2 children that died 10 days ago in the cyclone.

I'll stand next to my friend from Burma whom I've never met, with hands held high, in complete thankfulness to the One who created each trial in our lives. I'll rejoice, as I see face to face, the One who not only planned, but also accompanied me through each trial.

Gratitude (part one)

2008-05-12T11:22:00.003-04:00

I was challenged this morning to take the next two weeks offering up thanks to God for how He has abundantly and lavishly cared for me this past year.

Here is post one... (more thoughts will follow over the next few days)

James 1:17
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

(my paraphrase of James 1:2-18)
Rejoice, my friends, when your life is full of trials and tests. Those trials are being used in your life to grow your faith in God. That faith will result in a more steadfast trust in Him as your Provider, and the end result of that is you being most perfectly changed to reflect the glory of His image.

When life doesn’t make sense, ask God for wisdom. He lavishly gives without reservation to those who ask. But don’t doubt His goodness, or you will find your emotions being tossed on the sea of trials. When this happens, you lose your stability and look around hopelessly for an answer.

When God has brought you to the end of yourself, rejoice. When you are rich in blessings, look to Him as the Answer because your physical blessings will pass away like grass. When the next trial of heat comes, that gift could be gone. If you live for temporary answers, they will fade away like flowers in a drought.

But if you remain trusting in the Lord in the midst of trials, you will be blessed. The result of your faith will be a beautiful, unfading crown of life that God promised to those who actively pursue and love Him. Don’t look at your trials as temptation from God. Don’t accuse God of tempting you, but rather, acknowledge that your own heart is what is drawing you away from your True Love. Your heart will deceive you subtly but will ultimately bring death.

Don’t allow your heart to deceive you like this. Every good and perfect gift is from God. He does not change like the seasons do. He brought you to life and has given you an inheritance far beyond what your deceitful heart promises.

God has been working OT in my heart this past year. When I look back, it is hard to believe that Na07 was only a year ago – it feels like 5 years! I believe that God has been working through me to display His power. I think in order to do this, He had to make me weak first though. That’s not a fun process, and I feel like every day I go through the same thing over again. But He promises that His power is made perfect in weakness. He’s been showing me that my weakness is not merely a suggestion, but that He designed me to be that way. His plan for me is to be nothing on my own so that He can be everything through me. His desire is that my desires match His instead of seeking my own self-advancement (aka idolatry). But He’s also been reminding me that He is loving. That He is good and kind and delights when I come to Him needy and desiring Him to fill me. It brings Him joy to answer that prayer.

God's blessings today in my life:
A really cool roommate. :) God has really changed the friendship between Christa and I from the apartment days where we didn’t understand each other and tolerated or made fun of each other’s differences to one where we really enjoy each other. Its been a subtle shift but dramatic nonetheless. God has used her in so many areas of my life – teaching me what discipline and grace motivated change looks like, to see what steadfast trust and hope-filled faith looks like. I’ve enjoyed seeing the world through a different perspective (if we look at the same thing we always come away with two vastly different views). Its been helpful as I work through areas in my own life, seek to serve others and seek to love all my friends more.

I will miss the Thomas family when I move on. When I moved in there, it was because I needed a place to go and they had a room available. How that has changed. I am grateful for Lucia’s input as she pours into my life. I’m thankful for Rick’s caring leadership and sensitivity to my weaknesses. I’m actually having fun with the kids too!

More blessings later…

That hand can never smite you

2008-05-12T07:52:00.001-04:00

(J. C. Ryle, "Do You Believe?")
"God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son." John 3:16

Reader, if God has given you His only begotten Son, beware of doubting His kindness and love, in any painful providence of your daily life! Never allow yourself to think hard thoughts of God. Never suppose that He can give you anything which is not really for your good. Remember the words of Paul: "He who spared not His own Son—but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things" (Romans 8:32)

See in every sorrow and trouble of your earthly pilgrimage—the hand of Him who gave Christ to die for your sins! That hand can never smite you—except in love! He who gave His only begotten Son for you, will never withhold anything from you which is really for your good. Lean back on this thought and be content. Say to yourself in the darkest hour of trial, "This also is ordered by Him who gave Christ to die for my sins. It cannot be wrong. It is done in love. It must be well."

Cast Out

2008-05-10T00:43:00.000-04:00

"Him that comes unto me, I will in no wise cast out." —John 6:37

Cast out! My soul! how often might this have been your history! You have cast off your God—might He not often have cast out you? Yes! cast you out as fuel for the fire of His wrath—a sapless, fruitless cumberer. And yet, notwithstanding all your ungrateful requital for His unmerited forbearance, He is still declaring, "As I live, says the Lord, I have no pleasure in the death of him that dies."

Your sins may be legion—the sand of the sea may be their befitting type—the thought of their vileness and aggravation may be ready to overwhelm you; but be still! your patient God waits to be gracious! Oh! be deeply humbled and softened because of your guilt, and resolve to dedicate yourself anew to His service, and so coming, "He will by no means cast you out!"

Despond not by reason of former shortcomings—your sins are great, but your Savior's merits are greater. He is willing to forget all the past, and sink it in oblivion, if there be present love, and the promise of future obedience. "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me?"

Ah! how different is God's verdict from man's! After such sins as yours, man's sentence would have been, "I will in nowise receive!" But "it is better to fall into the hands of God, than into the hands of man;" for He says, "I will in nowise cast out!"

Myanmar

2008-05-07T12:21:00.012-04:00

22,000 presumed dead. 40,000+ still remain unaccounted for. 1 million + homeless. This is Myanmar (also known as Burma). They need water. They need relief. They need Jesus.

I pray for them. Myanmar is one of many countries in the world that is hostile to the Christian faith.

Though I do not personally know anyone from Myanmar, I am confident that I have brothers and sisters that live there.

And one day, I will sing, along with my Burmese brothers and sisters the words of Revelation 5:9

"You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation."

God promises to purchase men from every tribe, every language, every people, every nation.

Including Burma.

His blood reaches not only into South Carolina suburbia, but also to remote jungle villages. His power is greater than that of a cyclone. His heart is compassionate for the cries of the homeless and downcast in the country of Burma too.

I remember when Katrina hit New Orleans. I remember when the planes flew into the Twin Towers. I have seen the looks on these faces before. Looks of desperation. Looks of despair with no hope. Looks of urgency but no where to go.

I pray that through these disasters, God multiplies the ministry of the underground church in Burma. I pray that the faithful warriors of prayer will grow stronger through this trial. I pray that their faith in a powerful, all-loving, compassionate God would not diminish, but rather would experience supernatural growth.

I pray that the hope of Jesus would shine brighter than the pervasive false and hopeless religion of the Theravada Buddhists. I pray that God would open the eyes of the SPDC leaders and specifically Than Shwe to the living Gospel of Christ. I pray that He would trade in his temporary medals of honor for an eternal crown of glory.

I pray that my almighty Savior, who supernaturally gave my blind eyes sight, would do the same for these people - His beloved creation.

I look forward to meeting my friends one day - the fellow laborers for Jesus all the way on the other side of the world. Faces I'll never see until that day. Names I probably won't ever be able to pronounce. All, with one voice, proclaiming together with joy and amazement:

"Worthy is the Lamb that was slain."

This is only a test

2008-05-07T07:12:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning thinking that yesterday must have been a dream. Had God really answered 3 very specific prayers of mine yesterday? One I had been praying about for a year and a half, another for seven months and the third for about a month.

Seriously, God? Is this for real?

But as I was driving to work this morning, I realized this is just another test. In my excitement and joy… as the roller coaster ride is fun this time around, I’m ultimately in the same seat. As I’m letting go of my hold, and enjoying the hills and loops, squealing all the way around, will I continue to trust? Or will I become self-reliant, confident and proud?

I remember telling Matt that I was almost concerned to ask God to heal the migraines from several months ago because it’s easier to trust when I have nothing in myself to rely on. It’s easier to learn in the test of adversity than to trust completely when prosperity floods in. He wisely pointed out that God provides needed grace and strength in times of relief too.

So, here I sit, on “top of the world” still very aware that my world is no bigger than an anthill. My anthill could be squashed tomorrow. I can’t rest there because it’s not permanent. But the Word of my God is. My faithful Provider is. My eternal hope is. My gaze MUST rest there.

God, I need more grace. I desire to pass this test and not be like the Children of Israel or the woman in Ezekiel 16 that was saved from her wallowing, only to rejoice in herself. Once again, I’m asking for more grace. I desperately need it. I desperately need your strength, because I’m so tempted to take the reigns now. Keep them in your Sovereign Hand. By your grace, I desire to pass the test of prosperity… not so that I can say I did it, but so that You, Lord, become bigger to me and to my friends.

Taste and See

2008-05-06T17:57:00.005-04:00

Your words were found and I ate them, and they became a delight to me and a joy to my soul...

For I lead the blind in ways that they do not know... I do not forsake them.

Oh taste and see that the Lord is good...

I enjoy good cuisine. I enjoy beautiful scenery. But nothing compares to tasting and seeing God's goodness. Nothing compares to the magnificence of His blessing. Nothing so adequately defines my weakness as when I see God's power on display. Nothing makes me desire God more than when I see a glimpse of Him as all desirable.

My friends, I'm overwhelmed. I've cried all day. This morning, I was yawning and exhaustedly limping into work. Then God fed me richly with Psalm 62 (I've "bolded" the words that He specifically used this morning)

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah

Those of low estate are but a breath; those of high estate are a delusion; in the balances they go up; they are together lighter than a breath.

Put no trust in extortion; set no vain hopes on robbery; if riches increase, set not your heart on them.

Once God has spoken; twice have I heard this: that power belongs to God, and that to you, O Lord, belongs steadfast love. For you will render to a man according to his work.

The first thought I had when I read that last verse was "I'm glad that's not true. I deserve hell. He's not going to render to me what I deserved. Because of the cross, because of the substitutionary perfect life of Christ, He looks at me with acceptance and pleasure. What grace! How that is undeserved!

Little did I know the roller coaster was about to take another flip - except this time it was behind my back and I couldn't see it coming...

One of the managers at work came to my desk and mentioned that he needed to talk to me when I was off the phone (I was fighting with the insurance company about the $1404 that they say I owe them from my MRI). I got off the phone and Siggi (my boss) reminded me that I needed to go talk to Jeff.
Weird.

So, I went over to Jeff (one of the manager's that is equal with my boss but I don't really work for him though I do work with him some and help him out as needed). He mentioned that he wanted to talk to me, and could we go in the conference room. He then told Siggi that we were going to meet and could he join us. The 45 seconds it took us to walk to the room, I was wondering what this was about but I wasn't nervous.

We sat down and Jeff says "are you nervous yet?" =)
I said "why, should I be??" =)

That's when he proceeded to tell me that what he was about to tell me was that he wants to offer me a position in program planning. That is the department that looks at the requirements from assembly and plans how the cars are going to be organized (by discussing with other departments in Germany and an overall view of how the plant functions and what would be the best steps to take). Basically, easily explained, look at the big picture, break it down to the itty bitty parts and then like a puzzle, put it back together in the best way possible.

Honestly, it is one of those jobs I always thought would be a great job but never thought I could get. There are only 11 people in that department and there were no planned openings anytime in the next 5 years.

Um, can you say overwhelmed?? Tina (who will be my boss) hand picked me because she has been watching my work now for months and has been working on getting this approved for literally 6 months! I'm blown away. I'm SO excited.

That's the cake...

...here's the icing...

Someone contacted the church office today (aka Jess) and wanted to register me for the Worship God conference.

WHAT?!!?#$$#(*$? :) Are you kidding me?

Psalm 62 was what God reminded me this morning. He rewards those who trust in Him. He is faithful. He is 2 things: powerful and steadfastly loving.

He is ridiculously amazing if you ask me.

There are no words to describe it. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve yet another blessing - I fail to trust Him. I doubt His goodness. I question His ways. I complain about my current state. And He says wait, hope, rest and trust while you are pouring out your heart to Me.

And still, I fail there. I don't wait with excellence. I don't rest without trying to plan out the next 23 steps. I don't trust without questioning "what if." I pour out my heart to my laptop and fail to do so to my Jesus.

Yet He still chooses to bless. I don't get it. I don't deserve such kindness. Doesn't He know I didn't perfectly believe He really would bless?

Yet, still He chooses to.

Taste and See...

Taste through those words that were found.
See because He brings sight to the blind as He leads and as they pour out their hearts.

What a feast! What a view!
What a God!

Valley

2008-05-06T08:59:00.004-04:00

I woke up this morning not feeling well, completely giving into worry and feeling overwhelmed. I stayed up way too late working on an OSM project and didn't want to get out of bed this morning... my head and leg are hurting... my eye still burns from when I accidentally got rubbing alcohol in it last Friday at work. can you say ow-ie? i can!

That's how I feel.

But this is what is true...

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah

One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done.
Psalm 62

God's Power

2008-05-05T10:21:00.011-04:00

I feel so blessed to be a part of my church body. Yesterday was refreshing, though hectic. God kindly allowed a sweet time of worship that prepared my heart to spend the rest of the day watching kids.

Typically, when I'm watching the kids during the sermon, I feel like I'm missing what God has to say to me, and miss altogether that His will for me that day is to use what He's been teaching me and serve the children with joy. Talk about application - serving seventeen 1-3 year olds with joy when 5 of them won't stop crying is a challenging day even for the most experienced person!

Arriving at church in the middle of a "discussion" (christian term for "fight") is a difficult way to start any Sunday morning. And knowing that my sin of laziness and pride (no concern for other's time schedules thereby causing us to be late) was the reason that the "discussion" began anyway is not only a difficult, but also a humbling way to start the day.

But God graciously gave us the grace to work through it and prepare our hearts for worship and service, strategically using that fight to humble me and once again point me to my utter desperate need for Him and His power to work in me. I prayed before the service specifically that His power would work in and through me and that I would rejoice in Him and His work.

Danger Will Robinson - pray for God's power to overwhelm you, and *surprise* what an ovewhelming glimpse I saw in the following 45 minutes.

When worship began, God impressed on my heart to pray for the Minards. Chris has been suffering now for a while with physical problems that seem to have no cause or cure. While singing songs about God's faithfulness through trials, my prayer the entire time was for God's healing hand to touch this fellow servant and friend. This family has portrayed God's power with excellence throughout this ordeal - trusting God to be bigger and greater than this "light and temporary affliction" that has radically altered their lives.

Three songs into the set, Jim took a break to allow time for us to pray for those in our midst who were hurting. Chris, always looking to serve, ran immediately to pray with someone else. What humility and grace is at work in his life!

As I was praying with Ann I was struck with what an honor it is to bear up together with this family and carry their burdens to the Mercy Seat, approaching a compassionate Savior who delights in His children asking Him for more grace and mercy. So, in faith, with heavy hearts but trusting in a powerful Savior, we pleaded. We asked not only specifically for healing, but also for more grace and mercy from a God that abundanty lavishes help on the needy.

No sonner than I returned to my seat, we began to sing "It is Well." God reminded me of a time when Heidi had shared a testimony about how God had brought sweet freedom and joy through the 3rd verse of this song ("...my sin, not in part but the whole was nailed to the cross and I bear it no more..."). I felt compelled to go remind her of that hope - to remind her of that forgiveness that is true not only for our justification, but that is powerfully working now through our struggles of sanctification.

I fought for the first verse and 1/2 of the song - after all, I had just walked all the way across the room to pray with Ann. I didn't want to be a "distraction" to anyone by walking out again (I was sitting in the front row on the other side of the room from both Ann and Heidi). The biblical category for this would be arrogant pride (I know better than the Holy Spirit's urging) and the fear of man (what will they think!?)

The thought became more urgent as the song progressed, as the Holy Spirit was working in my heart to once again, go and pray with a fellow believer. So, I repented of my sin and followed His leading. I simply gave her a hug and reminded her "the hope from that day (when she first understood those words) is true for today, for right now too." She broke down in tears and began sharing with me that she was discouraged and very overwhelmed right now and that she really needed to be reminded of that truth. As I walked back to my seat, having left her - arm around her husband - in a puddle of tears, I was again, rejoicing in the overwhelming power of God.

At another point in the set, we sang "What a Savior." I don't think I have ever heard (or sung) the words "full atonement, can it be?" with such excitement, hope and joy. What a glorious sound! How I'm grateful to be a part of my church body. How I'm amazed that God can work through my life to bring greater glory to Him!

I'm more aware today than I was yesterday of the truth of the words "What a Savior!" I pray that tomorrow I wake up saying the same thing.

free fall

2008-05-03T11:45:00.000-04:00

as i’m falling
the fears rush in.
going places
i’ve never been.

what’s around
the coming bend?
i cannot see
the journey’s end.

i’m unsure -
its unclear.
feeling so
misguided here.

no direction
no way out
trust becomes
replaced with doubt.

are you there God?
i’m falling fast.
help before all
hope is past!

then a whisper
grabs my soul.
remember Me –
I’ll make you whole.

I’ve been faithful
look behind
I’ve upheld you
every time.

every child
with humble prayer
who comes to Me
receives My care.

remember Joseph!
remember Job!
and Habakkak
from so long ago.

they looked to Me.
they found their rest.
they learned that My

ways are the best.

i don’t give up
on My sov’reign plan
as you pursue
My guiding hand.

repent of pride
and unbelief
and you too will
find rest and peace.

Reflection

2008-05-01T23:52:00.006-04:00

Webster's dictionary defines "reflect / reflection" as to give back or exhibit as an image, likeness, or outline; to make manifest or apparent.

As Christians, we are called to reflect Christ. We are called to mirror His image (to give a true representation, an exemplary model) and to show others of His charachter.

If you think about that for more than 2 seconds, you'll come to the same conclusion that I did. There is absolutely no way I can show others a true reflection of who Christ is. He was perfect. He was humble. I am sinful and proud. My best works are not merely tainted by sin, they are inherently worthless and filthy.

But God, being rich in mercy, chooses to substitue those works with ones that are pleasing to Him. Through the cross, God looks at me and is able to be pleased with my works - not because I've merited it, but because the death of Jesus Christ was sufficient and strengthens me daily to follow His example. I'll never reach that level of perfection as He had, and it is designed to be so, in order to keep me humbly trusting in His strength and relying on His ability, not my own.

Last night, I went to Joe and Rose's house for dinner. I had the pleasure of cooking dinner for them and their family - they provided the place, the food and let me take free reign of the kitchen, trusting that I would prepare something good for them to eat. I can't even explain how much fun I had just throwing stuff together! I LOVE to cook and miss not doing it as often as I used to.

They kept saying how much of a blessing it was to them, but honestly, I think I left as the one more edified and refreshed. It was a joy to get to know them, to feel immediately welcome as part of the family, to hear how God reached into their worlds and captured their hearts, to see the struggles of how they are learning now to trust Him daily, to hear examples of how God has empowered them to overcome sin. Wow! God is at work in that little family in so many ways, and I got to see a part of it last night! I got to see another "fringe" of His ways (Job 26:14).

What a beautiful reflection they were to me of the gospel. By God's grace, I believe that I was able to be the same to them.

Grace truly is amazing. They opened their home, I came and cooked. But God met me (and I believe us all) in a special way. I left, more aware of His power than when I came. I left having a deeper desire for fellowship. I left, rejocing in our amazing, all-powerful, soveriegn God.

What a sweet mirror image of my Jesus. Seeing that makes me long for the day when I'll see not merely a reflection, but my Savior face to face.

God's Love Through The Storms

2008-05-01T15:37:00.001-04:00

I did not know His love before, the way I know it now;
I could not see my need for Him, my pride would not allow.
I had it all, without a care, the "self-sufficient" lie;
My path was smooth, my sea was still, not a cloud was in my sky.

I thought I knew His love for me, I thought I'd seen His grace;
I thought I did not need to grow, I thought I'd found my place.
But then the way grew rough and dark, the storm clouds quickly rolled;
The waves began to rock my ship, my anchor would not hold.

The ship that I had built myself was made of foolish pride;
It fell apart and left me bare, with nowhere else to hide.
I had no strength or faith to face the trials that lay ahead;
And so I simply prayed to Him and bowed my weary head.

His loving arms enveloped me, and then He helped me stand;
He said, "You still must face this storm, but I will hold your hand."
So through the dark and lonely night He guided me through pain;
I could not see the light of day or when the storm might wane.

Yet through the aches and endless tears, my faith began to grow;
I could not see it at the time, but my light began to glow.
I saw God's love in brand new light, His grace and mercy, too;
For only when all self was gone, could Jesus' love shine through.

It was not easy in the storm, I sometimes wondered, "Why?"
At times I thought, "I can't go on." I'd hurt, and doubt, and cry.
But Jesus never left my side, He guided me each day;
Through pain and strife, through fire and flood, He helped me all the way.

And now I see as never before how great His love can be;
How in my weakness He is strong, how Jesus cares for me!
He worked it all out for my good, although the way was rough;
He only sent what I could bear, and then He cried, "Enough!"

He raised His hand and said, "Be still!" He made the storm clouds cease;
He opened up the gates of joy and flooded me with peace.
I saw His face now clearer still, I felt His presence strong;
I found anew His faithfulness, He never steered me wrong.

Now I know more storms will come, but only for my good;
For pain and tears have helped me grow as naught else ever could.
I still have so much more to learn as Jesus works in me;
If in the storm I'll love Him more, that's where I want to be!

Author Unknown

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2008-04-30T16:05:00.004-04:00

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FREE FALL!!!!

2008-04-30T11:49:00.004-04:00

God seems to be turning my heart to one particular topic these days:

His unfailing faithfulness.

In light of that, here are some posts that were particularly encouraging and helpful this morning as the assault on my soul began (for those of you who are working through 1st Peter with me, "assault" can be interpreted as "free fall.")

Around the Web:

Psalm 78

Looking unto Jesus by JC Ryle

Light Shining in the Darkness on the Challies blog

When God is Silent on the Blazing Center

Ride of Life by 4Him

1 Peter 2:23-25

By God's grace, I will continue entrusting my soul to Him who judges justly (realizing that my justification is only through the blood of Christ, not my own merit). In His strength, I will continue looking to Jesus aware of my utter inability to change myself, will learn from Psalm 78, will remember His faithfulness in my past and will allow that to compel me to hang on for the ride of my life even when He is silent.

For you see, my God is not silent at all. He is very active. He is leading and guiding through the dust storms that cloud my vision. Though I cannot see His hand guiding me, I know it is there. It is real, and it is a guiding Hand full of strength and wisdom - I'm experiencing its power.

I can enjoy this free fall for the exhilarating and hope-saturated ride that it is intended to be, because my confidence and trust is in a God that will never cease to be faithful.

*sermon links from Together for the Gospel 2008 conference and Sovereign Grace Church of SC

Unexpected Answers

2008-04-29T23:06:00.008-04:00

So, I'm sitting here (in my favorite spot on the floor leaning up against my recliner) with a melancholy rejoicing in my heart. Melancholy is not always a bad thing - sometimes rejocing just doesn't look like "yippee - jumping up and down and squealing with overwhelming joy" - sometimes its a calm contentedness or a quiet peace in the rain.

I believe that just like God works in different means in our lives drawing our hearts to Him, our sacrifices of praise can and should look different at varied times throughout our lives.

Today the song in my heart is a minor key. If I had to pick a soundtrack, it would either be The Chronicles of Narnia or Amazing Grace - both are ominious and melancholy with undeniable themes of hope throughout. But enough about music and on to the real reason for this post...

I "stumbled" across a verse today. A verse that God used to deeply encourage me and to build my faith in Him as my Provider. Psalm 68:6a says "God sets the solitary in a home (the lonely in families)"

This was encouraging to me because at a time when I've been struggling with "limbo" (aka - singleness, job, family and health questions, etc), God brought this reminder across my path.

He lovingly reminded me through those Living Words that He has sovereignly placed me with a family from my church, with 3 young kids who often by mistake call me "mom." He has allowed me to "practice" parenting on them and has allowed me to view daily a stellar example of a a faithful patient husband and dad as well as a submissive, caring, loving wife and mother.

What a work of grace God has given me. He's not only given me a place to stay, He's set me in a place that is my home. He's placed me in a family. Me - a solitary stupid little sheep that continually goes astray - I have a "fold" to return to. I have people around me that care enough to run and catch me when I go astray. I belong to something so much greater than just myself.

It seems almost laughable that I would struggle with not having a family or a home. Look around, Emily! Your family and home is here. You are a part of the greatest place on earth!

How kind of God to open my eyes to the blessing right in front of my face. I so often miss those blessings as I look forward to future blessings. But as I've been reminded lately, God doesn't provide grace for future worries. And in His lovingkindness, He doesn't simply dangle a carrot in front of us, that we are always striving for but never attaining it. He currently provides grace upon grace. Mercy ever-abundant. Blessings and peace, not because of our worthiness, but because of His infinite worth.

It wasn't quite the answer I was expecting. But its vastly richer than a new job that pays 25% more. This is part of my eternal inheritance - and its just a glimpse. Its a surprising and unexpected glimpse, but I'm grateful.

p.s. i'm still praying for the husband I'll have one day, the new job I'll hopefully get eventually and my own home that I'll decorate and invite others into though! :)

Closed Doors

2008-04-29T13:13:00.010-04:00

My job seems to be a continual pattern of closed doors. I suppose I should rejoice, for this is an answer, but it's difficult when 8x in a year, the answer is no. My boss did a good job explaining why and I do not take it personally (and now have some areas to work on improving) but nonetheless, "no" is difficult to hear so often.

The reason has been different each time, therefore my only conclusion can be that this is God's will for me right now and that in whatever state I am, I must learn to be content (not simply for "doings" sake but because I know that no matter what state I'm in, He is with me).

"For I lead the blind in ways that they do not know, in paths that they have not gone, I guide them. I turn the rough places before them into level ground. These are the things I do; I do not forsake them."

I'm not forsaken. Stuck behind the same door, stuck in the same room, stuck in limbo, I am not forsaken. Still wondering why and when, God is saying "I'm here, I haven't left you alone to figure this out on your own. I'm guiding. I'm leading. And I'm comforting."

That must be and remain my comfort. If it is not, then I start to question and accuse God. Job questioned God and was met by the all-powerful Creator. That all-powerful God is the same one holding back right now. He's the same one closing the doors in front of me. He's the same one not opening other doors I long to walk through.

But, keeping this in perspective, I don't deserve a new job. I don't deserve better pay. I deserve hell. And God opened the greatest door in all of eternity - the door to eternal life, rest and complete fulfillment in Him.

With that in mind, how can I complain. In light of eternity, how can I question. God has been so kind - eternally, immensely kind. He's right now preparing a place for me - a filthy, vile sinner who is justified not by my own merit, but by the righeousness of His Son.

That's why our lives are commanded to be a sacrifice of praise. I don't wan"t to sacrifice that right now. I want to lament. I want to cry.

But He says - NO!!! Grab your soul - arrest your mind and focus it on me. Don't give in to the devil's lie that you deserved this and I'm unkind in withholding it from you. Focus on truth - I loved you so much (and continue to love you) that I gave ALL for you - I sacrificed with JOY for your good. Rest there. Rejoice in that truth.

Let your conduct be the same as mine - offering up sacrifices of praise to God when your circumstances deem the opposite. That's how I receive glory here - through yet another closed door. That's where the world will see your differences and glorify me. Trust me, my child. I know what I'm doing."

My Only Option

2008-04-28T07:44:00.006-04:00

O our God, will you not execute judgement on them? For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you. 2 Chronicles 20:12

Your God has fenced you in so that your only option is to trust that he will give you grace. - Ed Welch

Me - powerless...
great horde coming against me...
do not know what to do...

God - executing judgment...
greater than the great horde...
knows the end result of this trial...

What a different power than me. No wonder the writer fixes his eyes on God. Fixing his eyes - believing that God is good, certain that God hears his cries, confident that God is powerful to help in his need, trusting rather than fearing, knowing that he is not alone --- what an evidence of God's grace at work in this man's life.

How I need that grace. I pray for the humility to pray "I am at a loss for what I should do... but God, my eyes are fixed on you. My confidence and boasting and hope are in You alone. My strength comes from You - the Maker of the heavens and the earth. My help comes from You. You are my foundation and the shelter from my storms.

My trust is in You. My fear is not greater than You. God, I'm needy. But you're the Source of all grace and power and strength and might. You're the Fountain of Living Water. Come, quench your thirsty servant.

Grant me the supernatural gift of more grace. Keep my gaze fixed on You."

grace for the weary

2008-04-26T23:00:00.012-04:00

i'm listening to the Come Weary Saints cd right now while I'm sitting in my favorite spot in my room (on the floor leaning up against my recliner, laptop in my lap, water bottle next to me. Why I don't ever sit IN my recliner I'm not really sure).

I'm tired. Both physically and emotionally I'm worn out. It was a long week. There are a plethora of thoughts swarming in my mind.

I just got done having dinner with my family to celebrate my mom's birthday. I love them dearly, but our times together always leave me sad. There's a level of depth and communion that just isn't there like exists with my church family and friends and that affects everything. Its just not "home" when we're together.

I wish it weren't so. It hurts so deeply. I pray every day for resolution - I pray every day for sweet relationships and fellowship as fellow believers (albeit disagreeing in areas).

I know He can. I pray He does.

I struggle with seeing families in my church that have what I long for. My heart wants to accuse God. With tear filled eyes and an aching heart, I so desperately want to question why. And He says simply "come - I'll give your weary heart rest. Trust me. I'm sovereign and loving and good and have ordained each step of your life and each person in your life for my glory and your good."

That's a hard pill to swallow at times. I want my parents to talk to my grandparents again. I want my mom to talk to her brother. I want to be able to mention the name "dave" to my family without a wall going up. I want us all as Christians to experience sweet unity because of the cross. I don't understand why it doesn't happen. I don't understand how this can be God's will. I don't understand why He doesn't allow for restoration and healing. I don't know why family times are always accompanied by a big pink elephant. I want to know why.

And God simply says "Emily, I'm good. I haven't forgotten your prayers. I've seen every tear that has fallen. I know every hurt you've never spoken of. I've heard each cry. So, trus - trust in ME my child. I really do care."

I'm weary. I need grace. I need a reminder of my Shelter from the storms because the storms are pounding down on my heart right now. But I know that God is my answer, not restored relationships. He's greater than that. My confidence is not that one day I may have a family with no struggles, rather its that I serve a God who cares about these things.

I belong to a Father that never fails. I have a daddy who lavishes overabundant grace every day. Grace to endure trials. trials like family problems. Grace for surface relationships. Grace for a heart that wants more and doesn't know if it will ever happen. Grace from a God who is not surprised by this trial.

Grace for the weary.

Stay

2008-04-26T10:29:00.002-04:00

You haven't yet found out whether I want to go back.

I don't.

I want to stay with you -
if you will have me.

I've been looking for people like you all my life.

- Caspian, Prince Caspian

Give Unto the Lord

2008-04-25T16:35:00.001-04:00

Give unto the Lord who guides the earth,
your ways and your distress.
As He guides the clouds and air and wind
He’ll also guide your steps.

Come to Him now boldly with confident trust
He’s promised to faithfully lead.
Ask, trusting in prayer, for His gracious Hand
to guide you in your times of need.

In eternal mercy, O God of all,
You know what is right and what’s best.
Grant me grace to trust in Your Sovereign Hand
as You choose for me every test.

There’s never a time, Lord, in all that You do
You work in a way that’s not right
No trial can hinder your Almighty Hand
as I walk by faith and not sight.

So, even if all hell’s attempting to take
me viciously from your control –
You will not give way, Lord, you’re working Your plan
to Your ultimate glory and goal.

Look up, weary soul now from all your despair –
keep fighting, do not be dismayed;
For in His great mercy, He’ll comfort your heart
and will daily supply you fresh grace.

All sorrows will weaken their iron-clad grasp
as you learn of His governing pow’r
Let go of your troubles and sorrow no more
For He’s in control of each hour.

Let Him act how He deems is best for your life,
for He is your governing King.
When you view His wisdom throughout all your days
Your heart in amazement will sing.

At times in your life, He’ll delay consolation
so you’ll learn to rest wholly on Him;
but remember He disciplines those whom He loves
so take comfort, your future’s not dim.

As you faithfully serve Him, deliverance will come
for He’s promised to always be near
He will set you free from your burden and strife
and your heart he’ll set free from all fear.

What joy awaits you, O sweet faithful child
what glory awaits on that day
when with wonderful gladness, He hands you that crown –
pure joy will then sorrow outweigh.

We pray, faithful Lord that you’d lovingly bring
our trials and sorrows to an end
But until that day, Lord, hold fast – keep our faith
as we struggle and fight and contend.

Translated by Emily from “Befiehl du deine Wege”
written by Paul Gerhardt 1653
based on Martin Luther's writings of Psalm 37:5
featured in Opus BWV270 in B minor arranged by J.S. Bach
alternate English translation: Give to the Winds thy Fears by J. Wesley

Captive

2008-04-24T15:49:00.011-04:00

Deep in my sin, I couldn’t feel
the death grip on my soul.
I thought that this life was the best
for which I’d ever hope.

True satisfaction,
eternal bliss,
deep communion
was just a wish.
I was at home
with misery.
Tried to dull the pain
of what I saw in me.

I didn’t realize I was blind,
I thought that this was "life;"
until one day I heard the words:
“Come, there’s rest from all this strife.”

"An answer
for the void you feel -
a hope
for your captive soul.
A rest eternal -
- it's for real.
a promise
in His Word."

It sounded to my tired ears
just too good to be true.
But as He drew near, I heard the damning words:
“there’s nothing you can do.”

“You’ve sinned.
You’re guilty.
You can’t come
before My Holy face.
I’m Rightous and I can’t allow
such filth
here in this place.”

With sorrow and dread I stood before
my Maker, in my chains.
Fearing His hand of judgment
that would crush my feeble frame.

Fear compelled
Me there
To fall -
enslaved by
my desires.
I had no
power
to change my
heart or quench
the wrathful
fires.

At that moment nothing seemed
More powerful than sin.
My empty soul - in awful fear
As I stood before my King.

A captive,
held by sin
alone; a slave to
death and fear.
The Holy Judge
Was fully aware
That sin
Was my career.

Those were my chains.
Captivity.
Deep emptiness.
Hollow misery.

“What if I’m good!? I’ll change my ways!?”
frantically I tried.
But He said “no, its not enough.”
I sat in despair and cried.

“Is there a hope
or any rest?
An answer for
my empty soul?”
With tender love
He picked me up
and said
“My blood can make you whole.”

“Not by your works, Not what you do
There’s nothing to attain.
For on that cross, I bore your curse
So you’d know all My gain.”

“No! Let me go.
Don’t do this, God!
You don’t deserve
That death!
Judge me instead
I’m the guilty one
Trade places -
Go! now rest.”

With tear-filled eyes, He then looked down
at His eternally wounded hands.
“Look here, my child. The price is paid
already. This is my plan.”

“I died for you
to give you life;
My grace has set you free.
The penalty’s paid -
find freedom now
from your captivity.”

So, with great joy, we walked that day
away from all my chains.
Now hand in hand, His love is what
keeps me captive every day.

That’s what
compels me now
you see
to say no to
desires.
His love
constrains my
wayward heart
from my
internal fires.

His grace is more sufficient and
more powerful than sin.
This peace is so much greater than
I’d ever hoped it’d been.

I’m captive.
Held by grace
alone; a slave to
righteousness.
My Owner’s love
gives strength and faith
to daily die
to sin.

I'm chained to Him.

Captivity.

Deep communion.

Sweet, perfect peace.

written by Emily 12 PM on 4/24/08
after reading 2 Corinthians 5 and Romans 6

Gospel humility and confidence

2008-04-24T11:13:00.001-04:00

“The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to died for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering (boasting) and sniveling (self pity). I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less.”

- Timothy Keller, The Reason For God (New York, NY: Dutton, 2008), 181.

Why I Blog

2008-04-23T08:44:00.004-04:00

I have been thinking over the past few days what the purpose of this blog is. I am not a pastor. In my mind are no brilliant, life-changing thoughts that will rock the world. For over a year, no one read my posts and only a few close friends even knew this place existed. I have nothing special to share. My life is very ordinary - I live in an ordinary place, drive an ordinary car, and sit in an ordinary cubicle 5 days each and every week.

But here's the point. My God is far from ordinary. He is magnificent and His works are amazing.

My wayward heart tends to forget that truth. I tend to get stuck in the "ordinary" and miss what God is doing, miss who God is in the midst of it all. This blog is my reminder. It is a reminder to not forget God... not forget His work on the Cross... and not forget his works that are present in my life and the lives of my friends.

The children of Israel forgot their God (Judges 3:7). I don't want to make that same mistake. The Christian life is a marathon (Hebrews 12:1). I want to prepare in every way possible for the joy that is set before me. I want my endurance to grow.

My prayer is that my thoughts as I'm simultaneously training for and running in this race - that seeing God's faithfulness in my past would spur me (aka us) on to run harder... that seeing answered prayers would cause us to rejoice more in our God... and that remembering His works will encourage us to not grow weary but instead to continue faithfully pursuing the One who lovingly pursued us first.

Answered Prayer

2008-04-22T22:57:00.002-04:00

E-mail I received today from Nikki
-----------------------
Hey just to let you know and you might want to post this on your blog... Bentley isn't blind. He is progessing slowly and isn't where the optamologist wants him to be, plus he is farsighted and has astigmatism.

It would help if you could spread that because we are getting calls about him being blind! Thankfully today at his check up they didn't seem to think he had slow progression! God is good! Thanks Emily!

-----------------------
Praise God for answered prayer! This is amazing! :) I'm grateful for God's mercy and the grace that is so evident in the Roberts family.

Baby Steps

2008-04-22T07:43:00.007-04:00

Ever seen the movie "What about Bob"? Bob is psychotic. He visits a psychiatrist who recommends that Bob practices the "baby steps" technique. It looks like this... just put one foot in front of the other. Baby steps out of the office... baby steps into the hall... baby steps into the elevator and so on.

Our Christian life is a lot like that. Its not a sprint, rather a marathon. Anyone can get out on the road and run for 5 minutes - no training necessary. You can just do it and then collapse afterwards never to run again. But to run for an hour takes training. To run a marathon takes significantly even more training. It takes hard work and dedication and the results aren't seen till months after the process begins.

So, God's been working in my heart for a while on what faithfulness to Him as a result of true gospel-motivated change looks like. It does not look like perfection. A baby learning to walk does not wake up one morning, jump out of its crib and run downstairs asking for a bowl of oatmeal. Its gradual. Its progressive. One day he crawls and flops over crying. The next day he crawls a little further. Months later, he walks, holding on to things. Even later, he's toddling along, falling every 2 steps, crying every time he falls. Sometimes he goes back to crawling, sometimes he gets up and takes a few more steps. Eventually, he's running. Its a process that takes years to perfect and if you're my friend Jessica who runs into trees, it takes a lifetime to perfect! :) *sorry Jess!*

But that's the point. There is a joy we find in the process. There is trust learned in the midst of the struggle and the falls. If we woke up one day "running" we would not appreciate the process as God has designed it.

I tend to be so goal focused, that I miss the process. I see sanctification with the end result of glorification and I, in my laziness, want the glorification now. I want the perfection that isn't meant for now. Right now, is the "baby step" process. Right now, He's calling me to learn to say "thank you for the trials. thank you that You have ordained every day."

The ultimate joy will be when I stand face to face with my Heavenly Father and He says to me "welcome home, my good daughter. Welcome home, my faithful servant, Emily. Enter into the joy of eternal bliss and rest forever in My presence." That should motivate me to endure through the "baby steps" of today seeing them as what they are - the beginning easy steps, not a crippling end to the process.

For today, God hasn't called me to perfection. He hasn't called me to strength. He's called me to weakness (as He's graciously pointed out through constant days of pain, countless moments of trust, discouraging moments of seeing my sin, and glorious moments of hearing those words "it is finished"). He doesn't want my strength to come from me, He wants it to come from Him. He doesn't want my confidence to come from my abilities (that He gives and takes), He wants it to come from Him.

But my loving Heavenly "Daddy" knows my heart. He knows I miss German and Spanish. He knows I want to be learning more and teaching again. But He wants to fill that ache with Himself. He knows I want a husband and family. But He wants me to say "God, I'm so happy with You right now. I may be praying in hope that You will change my situation, but I'm resting here because of You. I'm resting in the wilderness confident that I'm not going to burn up from the heat because you're guarding over me. I'm resting in the waves because I know You won't let me drown."

He doesn't command my perfection, but He does command faithful steps - steps empowered by His Spirit. He commands a constant trust in Him as my Provider. His ultimate goal for me now is not perfection, rather trust in the process of stumbling as I'm learning to walk. He expects that when I fall, I get back up again and take 2 more steps.

And like an earthly father, when I fall, He's there to comfort, wipe the tears, stand me back up again and nudge me on to further steps of trust.

God wants me to live today for results I won't see until months later. He wants me to experience the joy in delayed gratification. He is proving Himself to me to be greater than the (fill in the blank answer of the moment). He wants my eyes fixed on Him.

One foot after another... be faithful in the little things...

He wants baby steps.

Musings on Motives

2008-04-21T12:29:00.004-04:00

... heart motives in my life as it applies from the sermon yesterday...

1 Peter 2:13 -17 Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.

... so, as I have been thinking throught the "free-fall" sermon from yesterday, my heart and mind went to motives. what's my motive for what I do? Is it my own personal gain or God's glory? do I love others simply because its God's will? do I fear God and honor everyone simply because its the right thing to do? or is there more to the "why" of what I do?

in order to do this - in order to live my life with others for the will of God, I must have something deeper motivating my actions. Otherwise it turns into a legalistic, joy-deprived, meaningless ritual.

So, on to the idea of motives... why do I want to get out of debt? Is it simply to have freedom from those chains or one day bless my husband with the painfully learned spiritual discipline of discipline itself? or should there be more to it than that?

what should be my motivation to lose weight? so I can buy new clothes? so people will notice and compliment me? so I will be more attractive? so I can simply live a healthier life and enjoy more activities? is that all that motivates this or is there really something more behind this?

what makes me able / willing to say no to my fleshly desires? why do I love others? submit to authority? obey my leaders? why do I serve with gladness? how is it possible to love "the unloveable"?

2 Corinthians 5:14-15 For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

I should be motivated to change / motivated to obey because of His love. Because its the work on the cross of Christ that controls me, my desires for prideful self-advancement and self-glorification is not up to me to control. Its power was crushed that day on that cross through the words "it is finished." I am not ruled by those desires, though at times they seem overwhelmingly strong. What rules me is a freedom found in Christ as Ruler. What motivates me is the mercy I see through Jesus. The humility of my glorious risen Savior is what empowers me in humility and service to others.

Because Christ loved and died for me, I have been given the strength to love others and die to myself. Because of my union with Christ, the obvious conclusion would be that I have died to my old self and raised again to New Life. That new life means service. But its not a drudgery... its a service of joy and gladness to a God who has freed my chains. Its my little way of sharing with others the grace He's shared so lavishly with me.

... I'm not there yet. Well, in some ways I guess I am... I already AM one with Christ. I already AM able to resist temptation through the power of the Cross. But daily, I fail in acting upon that ability. And without action, the ability is meaningless.

This truth, fully understood, must result in change, according to James. God doesn't want me to simply show honor to everyone, love my brothers and sisters, and fear Him because its the right thing to do. He wants it done in light of the cross, through His strength, in view of His mercy.

Wow. I'm seeing yet again how needy I am. I am completely reliant upon His grace to act upon me. I am needy of His ever-sutstaining grace.

The Courtroom Verdict

2008-04-19T00:12:00.001-04:00

"I cannot escape the exceeding wonder that not only does God look upon a guilty person in the court room and exercise clemency and forgive him and say, "you're guilty, I forgive you, go and sin no more", but he, also, beyond all imagination looks upon this guilty sinner and does not just say, "you're guilty, I forgive you" he says "you're not guilty." I mean forgiveness is understandable - just a little bit understandable – we kind of had some way to get our hands around forgiveness: you let it go; you don't hold it against them. But this looks me right in the face, right in the face, sinner that I am, and says "righteous."

John Piper

Overflowing

2008-04-19T00:02:00.005-04:00

My heart is full to the point of overflowing right now. I love our church. I love my friends. Tonight's care group was so encouraging to me on so many levels. Here are a few...

1. My cake turned out and was a big hit. I know this is just a little thing, but I was simply hoping to make something that would bless my friends. I'd been looking forward to making that cake for about 3 months now (vanilla butter cream cake with a thin vanilla frosting between the layers and on the top and sides and then a godiva 60% bittersweet dark chocolate ganache. Can you say "yum"?) :) Hearing Matt who doesn't like cake, say he enjoyed it; watching Willy eat spoonful after spoonful of the leftover ganache until I'm convinced he'll be sick tomorrow... seeing Jessica sad because there were no seconds left... Such a little thing, but for me, it was a reminder of God's delight in bringing us joy. I enjoyed making that cake, and seeing them enjoy eating it brought joy to my heart and made me thank God for that little blessing.

2. We talked about the gospel. Talk about a topic to encourage a weary heart... Christ died for you. He paid the price you could not pay for your sins. Through the work of regeneration, He has changed your nature. You're dead to sin. Baptism is a public display of humbly submitting to Christ in all areas of your life. I'm looking forward to being baptized on May 18th. I hope its warm that day (since the baptisms will be outside!)

3. God gave me a picture for a friend and it seemed to encourage her. I pray it continues to do so. She seems weary and burdened down with the cares of this life. I want her to know confidently the freedom that is found in her weakness. The joy that is found in her utter inability to do anything. I want her to rejoice that the fruit in her life does not come from her ability to make it; rather, it comes through the life flowing through her. I want that to bring the much needed rest for my sweet dear friend.

4. My back is not hurting! I can't even explain what this means. My back and shoulders have hurt for years, but especially in the past few months. Physical relief is such a blessed gift.

5. I feel at home. At home with the Thomas's; at home with my church family. Simply resting. Its a beautiful thing and I'm just beginning to experience that. Honestly, in so many ways, I can't imagine life getting better than it is right now.

6. I have running buddies now - Wendy for hiking adventures. Jennifer for after work motivation. Yippee! Hurray for not having to run by myself (not that I don't like the solitude with me, my ipod, and the road - I do, but its nice to have someone else with me for safety).

7. I love Matt and Julie. They are a blessing from God. I love Matt's excitement about little things like the salty smell from opening a bag of Original Lays chips. I love his humility and sensitivity for others' concerns and needs. I love his passion for Jesus. And I love his wife. Julie brightens the room simply by being there. I love her excitement and humor. I love her down to earth approach on life. I love her discipline as portrayed through raising her children and losing weight. She is an example I long to be like. I want my husband to be blessed with a godly wife like Julie. I want to learn more from that life.

8. Talking to George tonight was great. I have a greater desire to read and study the Psalms more. I want to memorize more and glorify God through my creativity more. I want to grow in songwriting . I want to grow in the gift of encouragement. He encouraged me tonight. I want to do that same honor to others.

9. Ending the night with "Have your full way" was so appropriate. By God's grace, I was able to sing "thank you for my trial, it was designed by your own hand to perfect a good work in me."

Isn't He good?
Isn't He kind?
Hasn't He blessed us?
Time after Time?

There is no answer but "yes."

My God is good.

He's been very good to me.

The Story of God's Goodness

2008-04-17T22:38:00.014-04:00

I have been thinking about writing this for a while now, and that idea was compelled forward by a post I read this morning.

Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind! Psalm 31:19

My life, like Steven's (in the link above) is a story of God's goodness. It's also a story of God's individual care, for my story doesn't look exactly like his. It shows God's guidance, but in a unique and different way than his story. Each of our stories does the same.

So, here's my story of God's goodness... the God who called me out before my birth... the One that is by His grace and mercy, receiving glory for my life of learning to depend on Him.

(*warning - lengthy post to follow - its hard to encapsulate 26 years into a few paragraphs!*)

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I was born in Pennsylvania. My family background is both German and Italian. With that in mind, I should probably have been born into a Roman Catholic family. Instead, by God's mercy, I was born into a family that told me of Jesus at a young age. I grew up with parents that were concerned that I be cared for, so they sacrificed to put my sister and I through Christian school. When none was available, they homeschooled us. They worked hard to do what they thought was best for us. I however, found myself conforming to the ways of my parents instead of accepting it as my own. I always questioned how I could know this faith was real and not merely a by-product of my culture.

Because of my family heritage (and because my family moved a lot when I was young), I was always interested in other cultures and languages. In high school, I began learning German. My family was very passionate about reaching other cultures, so for 2 years, we had foregin exchange students from Germany live with us (though my sister and I tried so hard, we were never able to convince my parents to get the cute guy from Russia. *sigh*)

In college, I lived with one of our exchange student's family for a summer. The questions I had always had in the back of my mind (how can I know this is real? does religion simply depend on where you grow up? are there really absolute truths? it's possible to be convinced but to be wrong, so how can I know my convictions aren't wrong? etc.)... these and more questions welled up for years, yet I never found a satisfying answer. For me, "just have faith" was not sufficient. My heart was longing for answers that could not be found. Throughout high school and college, I began to believe that there was not absolute truth - that each individual simply needed to do what they believed was best and that as long as you were genuine, you were okay. I believed that you could not know for sure and therefore it didn't matter. God didn't matter. How I lived my life didn't matter.

I could not have been further from the truth.

Outwardly my life reflected the good "Christian" I was thought to be. Inwardly, I knew that was not the case. Conforming was easier. And since I was in a Christian culture, I conformed. During this time, I came to know people who (like me) were sinners. But the background I grew up in was not a culture of confessing sin to God and relying on other's support for help - it was a background of hiding your sin and legalistically pretending that all was okay. As long as you looked good on the outside, no one asked questions. Everyone seemed more concerned with others thinking you were perfect than dealing with the root of the problems.

I began to believe that I deserved more and that I was the victim. I expected people to meet my expectations. I looked at wrongs done to me as greater than my sin that killed Christ. I thought no one understood me. No one cared for my soul, they were more concerned with my actions. And I was tired of playing the game. I had played the game for 23 years and was sick of it.

I was done. Game over.

Three days before college graduation, I was expelled from school. For me, that was the final straw. There seemed to be no point conforming anymore. To me, all this "game" was was "put on a good show and no one knows the real you." And no one cared to see the dirt and grime. But I wanted someone to know me. I wanted for someone to love me for who I was, not for who I appeared to be.

In my desperate lonliness, I then conformed to a different culture - the world's. I sought satisfaction in everything I desired. There was nothing "off limits" for me at that point. I did what I wanted, I bought what I wanted, I served only myself and convinced myself that this was the best I could ever hope for. At this point in my life, there was no difference in who I was from the previous years, simply a difference in what I did. I did not believe there was any eternal happiness possible. Life was hard, the best I could do is simply cope and then I'd die. A life of miserable "coping" is not a life worth living. That was my assumption.

At that point, a friend of mine introduced me to a Christian counselor named Rick Thomas. I was not thrilled to be talking to him. I had my idea of who he was and what he would say. He turned out to be very different than that assumption. After some time of building a friendship with Rick and his wife Lucia, they told me of a place where people cared about you, weren't judgmental of who you are, and truly loved you for who you are not simply how you appear. I remember telling Rick "I don't believe that exists, but if it did, that would be the best place ever."

I was convinced to prove him wrong.

I had told Rick I would come on August 3rd, 2003 to the first public meeting of Grace Covenant Church (now Sovereign Grace Church), but I was too hungover to be out of bed by 10 AM. When Rick called to see where I was, I told him the truth, thinking he would be shocked and leave me alone. He didn't. He invited me to come the following Sunday. On August 10th, 2003, I came simply to prove to him that what he thought of this church was wrong (and to get him off my back). That Sunday, the pastor and his wife invited me to come to their house the following Sunday for lunch. Free food? Sure, I'd sit through 2 hours of anything for a free homecooked meal. So, I came back. I ended up at their house from noon until 10PM that night talking to (and mocking) them for what they believed. But they were patient and loving each step of the way.

That was unexpected and made me question why.

Fast forward... I came and left the church countless times over the next 6 months. One morning, I met Jim (our senior pastor) and Rick (counselor/pastor) for breakfast at Jack in the Box. I remember Jim asked me if I was a Christian. I said yes. He asked why I believed that. I told him because I knew that Jesus was God's Son and that He died on the cross to save sins. I will never forget what Jim said to me next. He said. "Emily, Satan believes that too. Tell me, why is he condemned to hell for all eternity and you expect any different. What makes you different from him?" I had no answer. For the first time in my life, I was scared about that.

Fast forward again... I came and left again countless times over the next 6 months. I would show up at church dressed immodestly, hungover or high and mocking so many of those that were there to worship God. But despite my antagonism, these people loved me and cared. They were different. I couldn't explain it. God used that love to show me the meaning of the phrase "the kindness of God leads to repentence." One Saturday, again, Jim, Rick and I met for breakfast - this time at Cracker Barrel. I remember Jim sitting across from me with tears in his eyes, pleading for me to change. Pleading for me to repent. A man I had only known for a few short months, was broken over my lack of brokenness. He cried, pleading with me to repent.

He cried tears of love and it cut to my core.

God used the kindness of my church family to lead me to my Savior. He used free homecooked meals, little notes and cards, countless tear-filled prayers, trips to amusement parks (another long story) and so much more to show me His love. I didn't earn the love I was shown. I tried to push it away. Yet they pursued. God Himself pursued me. As I was running away, He came running after me. He came after His little loss sheep. It was unexpected, unwanted, and supremely kind.

About 2 1/2 years ago, God drew my hard soul to Him. He broke the walls down and showed me true hope - it happened after a trip to Carowinds (an amusement park in Charlotte, NC). That trip could be a separate post, and maybe one day will be, but to summarize, what I saw that day was a group of eight 20 somethings who were serving each other, loving each other and prayed for God to be glorified in all they did that day. My thought was "that's stupid. God's not at an amusement park, He's in church."

That day, He proved me wrong.

This thing called the "gospel" affected how those seven people lived that day. As Jess prayed for God to be glorified, something in my heart told me to simply watch. See if what they believe matched how they lived that day. So, I watched what I now know as the gospel, played out in human form that day. The Cross of Christ had changed their hearts, and was producing beautiful fruit. This truth I had been hearing about, didn't just affect the pastors, it changed how those people spent a day at an amusement park - those people I referred to as "stupid 5th graders" showed me true maturity that day. I had no explanation. They were serving. They were unselfish. They were loving.

It was different and SO appealing. The hope they had - I longed for that.

God's kindness, as displayed that day through my friends, blew me away. It had changed them and that could not be denied.

Through God's grace, new life was breathed into my dead soul. I am undeserving of that grace. God's kindess led my sinful soul to repentence of my infinite sins and to a trusting faith in Jesus as my only Hope. Not a "coping" anymore - this truth became a new reality. This was a new life. It was beautiful. The awful cross became to me a place of sheer beauty. Though I wanted to look away in shame, He drew me closer, ever reminding me that my shame was paid for completely in full on that bloody cross. There is NO PART of my sin that was not exponged that day.

I am truly undeserving of such grace. All praise to my God, for He is infinitely worthy!

That's my story. Its just beginning. I can't wait to see how it ends. I can't wait to meet my Jesus, walk hand in hand with Him and see His face. I was created for Him. He drew me to Him. He upholds me now through trials. He is beautiful to me.

I'm looking forward to the next step of this journey on May 18th. God is truly good. I'm eternally grateful.

The story He has written for me is amazing and humbling. It is only by God's mercy I am where I am today. His grace is beautiful.

Safely Home

2008-04-16T16:37:00.017-04:00

excerpt from "Safely Home" by Randy Alcorn... thoughts to follow...

"The watchers searched the earth, their eyes probing every tent, cave, hole, and dungeon. The King looked at the continents, his eyes searching from place to place. He would pause periodically, watch and nod.

In the Netherlands a small church gathered on its knees to pray for the persecuted. In Australia, a church took a special offering to assist a ministry getting Bibles into closed countries. In Korea, a church made plans to cross the border. In Singapore, a man left his family to board a plane, for some remote destination.

His eyes rested now on a 5th grade Sunday school class in America as they collected money. “This is all I earned last summer mowing lawns” said a boy. “This is the money I was saving for a bicycle” a little girl said, smiling. A boy proudly handed his teacher an envelope. She opened it, then looked at him. “Where did this come from?” I told mom and dad we’d been talking about persecuted Christians and how to help them.

I told them how we were all making a sacrifice to collect money to help. My parents said they wanted to help too. So I said maybe we didn’t have to go to Disney Land; maybe we could just go to the beach for the weekend. That’s what we did. We had a great time. This is all the money we would have spent, you know for planes and hotels and admissions and everything.

The King watched nodding and smiling. “Thank you” he said to the children in the Sunday school class. He turned to the men and angels of the watching heavens “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it for Me. Your reward shall be great."

"Never forget Jesu is King. Never forget this is not your home. Never forget your Father is waiting for you."

Deep Waters

2008-04-16T14:35:00.006-04:00

I was reading back through my previous posts today to remind myself of God's unending faithfulness as displayed through my past 2 years.

As I was reading, my mind began thinking specifically about water. Water in the OT was referred to as judgment. God led the children of Israel through the waters of judgment and surrounded and drowned the Egyptian army with the same waters. (Genesis 7:7, Exodus 14:28, Psalm 18:16, Psalm 69:2, Romans 6)

I was thinking about water because on May 18th, my church is having a baptism. I will be among those baptized that day. Though I grew up hearing about God, going to a Christian school and having Christian friends, I did not come to a believing faith in Christ until about 2 1/2 years ago. That is a long story, for another post, but I am grateful for God's work in drawing my calloused and legalistic heart to Him. I'm grateful to have an intimate friendship with the all-powerful God who leads and guides me lovingly. I'm thankful for His substitutionary life that gives me power to live each day for Him.

So, as I was thinking through the waters of baptism - the waters of judgment that Christ took for me, I came across a post I wrote back in January: "Through the deep waters." When I wrote that, I didn't know that I would soon begin having migraines. I didn't know the specific trials that were (and still are) coming, but I'm grateful for that reminder.

No matter the trial, no matter the discouragement, my greatest need was met when God passed through the waters of judgment in my place. I'm excited to be baptized on May 18th to rejoice over that truth in my life. I'm grateful He went through the deep waters so that I wouldn't have to pass through any judgment waters. And I'm grateful that He accompanies and holds me in the waters of pain and sacrifice He's called me to.

Trust or Apathy?

2008-04-15T11:52:00.003-04:00

*warning* *you are about to enter a rambling journal entry from a slightly warped mind* :)

I don't know what's going on right now in my head (and I'm not talking about the bacterial infection lovingly known as "Mike" - he's still there but is withering, praise God!) What I'm referring to is this - I'm not worrying. I'm not concerned about tomorrow. I'm simply enjoying today. I'm taking things one at a time and that's it. I sat on my bedroom floor last night, completely relaxed just sitting there simply being happy doing nothing. I enjoyed an evening of roasting hot dogs and marshmallows with the kids and had no concern for my pile of dirty laundry. I went to bed early and woke up refreshed (albeit with a wicked headache that was crying for more sleep).

Honestly I don't know if this is what trusting God is (and feels) like. I don't know if I'm resting there or if I'm becoming apathetic. Sometimes I wonder if they can feel the same. Let me explain...

When I'm worrying, I am focused on each detail. I am concerned about every step, wondering what the answer is. I wonder if God has forgotten me and is deaf to my requests. But on the other hand, when I'm trusting, I have the freedom to simply rest in today, trust God as the One in control and find a sweet freedom there as I continue being faithful to each step He's called me to.

The only problem with that is my heart is deceitful. My heart is SO prone to wander. Apathy can also look like "resting in today and having no concern for tomorrow." It can look like "let go and let God." It can look like a desire for too much leisure and no desire to take up my sword and go to battle.

The issue with that is that God has called me to battle. Sure, he's called me to rest in Him, but there is still a warfare going on for the conquest of my soul, my thoughts, my desires, and my will. The battle for my soul was won on the cross when Christ compelled me by the love in the three words "it is finished," but the battle for my will continues daily through this process called sanctification - the process that is transforming selfish, sin-filled me into a daughter of God which miraculously reflects the image of my beautiful Jesus.

I fear I may be neglecting that battle. I wonder if I am beginning to use my physical pain as an excuse to neglect God. My overall devotion to God is there, and by His grace, is growing. But my devotion to the "small" things in life (give 100% in all things, take care of my body as a temple, die to selfishness and pride, yearn for the life-giving Word - thirst for that more than anything, etc) - the devotion is not there like I know it should be.

Now this is the point when I need to remind myself that in spite of ALL my failures, God is faithful. He who began a great work in me WILL complete it. By His grace and through His work, I WILL hear "welcome home, my good and faithful servant" - for when God looks at me, He sees the righteousness of the only Good and Faithful Servant.

But I need more grace. I am needy of the sustaining grace to continue the fight. I don't want to be content with my current status. I want to keep growing. I want God's work to continue transforming me. I need His reviving grace. I need His persevering grace.

Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint." —Isaiah 40:31

"The righteous shall hold on his way." —Job 17:9

"I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you." —John 14:18

Even so, Lord Jesus, COME! Come to this heart that daily turns away. Continue to pursue. Continue to work. Be faithful to what You've promised. Continue what you've begun, for without that continual grace, I am without hope. I am so weak, and even my desire for growth is inhibited by my lack of ability to create the growth that only by your grace I desire. But praise God, my lack of ability is met by an all-sufficient Savior. How I need that all-sufficiency to once again pour its grace into my life. How needy I am each step of the way.

Do not let my heart become apathetic to your grace. Keep me within the distance of the cries of Calvary. Let my hope be in the words you cried that day - "it is finished..." "you will be with Me in Paradise..." "I thirst..." "my God, why have You forsaken Me?..." Sweet Jesus, you thirsted so that I could be filled. You were forsaken, so that I would be a part of the marvelous Family. You gave so that I might receive. Grant me once again, the grace to realize each step is by your grace alone.

Each promise uttered that day on the Cross was because of Your righteousness. Let that provide the hope to my apathetic soul. Let that compel my trust in You. Keep me close to that grace. Provide it, in your mercy, ever-abundantly to this needy soul.

Rest

2008-04-14T22:25:00.002-04:00

I'm tired. My mind has shut off. I don't care about tomorrow, I'm simply sitting on the floor in my room enjoying my "sparking vanilla" candle from Yankee Candle. I do wonder; however, why I have a recliner, when 9 times out of ten I end up on the floor in front of it, simply leaning against the chair. Hmmm. something to ponder...

My body has been tired for the past 2 weeks especially, but my mind has refused to shut off. Tonight, my mind is tired, so I have the feeling I'll be sleeping tonight. I'm grateful for sleep. I wonder if this is what "rest for the weary" feels like.

Last night, about 20 of us got together for dinner and an extended time of prayer. It was so encouraging. It was nice that new people came. The Pratt's generously opened their home. Sometime, I'll have to write about it. God met us and it was sweet.

But for tonight, I must rest. Sleep is a gift. I feel it quickly approaching. I'm grateful.

Blindness

2008-04-13T16:23:00.026-04:00

Today is Sunday - a day of worship - a day to reflect on the amazing grace of God and His wonderful blessings in our lives. Praise God, I have not had a migraine since last Sunday, and though I have had auras, headaches, etc, I was able to sing today during worship. Despite the seeming unending technical difficulties with the sound system, it was such an encouragement to stand and view the faces of my church family - many who are suffering, many who are weary - to see those faces offering a sacrifice of praise to God - the One who faithfully sustains through all trials.

To see hands lifted high in worship to the One who cried tears so that their eyes could be dried. To see Jim singing with tear-filled eyes, sorrowing for the loss of his dear wife and best friend of so many years. To see Rose catch my eye with a smile on her face, realizing that my standing there was an answer to her prayers. To see Christa, with both hands lifted high and a smile on her face not because of her uncomfortable silence, but because her trustworthy God is proving Himself to be greater. To see Jimmy standing on the front row speechless, with joy on his face - and knowing that he slept last night after countless nights of insomnia! To see Dave working on the sound board, rejoicing that He's able to stand today and not be in so much pain that he can't be at church. To see new faces, that for the first time were experiencing that time of corporate worship. To see Kayce, knowing this was her second worship service as a Christian - I'm overwhelmed by God's greatness at work in our midst. Its an honor to stand side by side with such faithful Christians approaching the Throne of Grace together.

During our worship rehersal this morning, we were practicing "Grace Unmeasured" and Jim took a moment to point out to the band an evidence of grace in Danny Robert's life. Danny (our pianist) is in his young twenties and he and his wife, Nikki had a son 2 1/2 months ago. Baby Bentley had to be rushed to the NICU shortly after birth and spent the first few weeks of his life struggling to survive. By God's grace, Bentley came to church last Sunday for the first time. What a joy to see his tiny body in his mother's arms. What a sweet time of rejocing that was.

And then to find out today that Bentley is legally blind and may never see clearly or live a "normal" life. To hear Danny talk about that with a smile on his face because he knows that God will continue to sustain. To see gratefulness in his heart overflowing through his sparkling eyes because his dear son should be dead, but is still miraculously with us. What an evidence of God's overwhelming and abundant grace at work.

I have much to learn from Danny and Nikki. I thank God for bringing them to us 2 years ago. Our body would not be the same without them.

I pray that God in His abundant mercy would heal Bentley. But I realized today that if He doesn't do this, that the first face Bentley will ever see is the face of His Creator! What an honor! What a joy that would be!! To be blind, with no grasp of beauty and then to wake up to complete Beauty that is ever-present. To see men as "trees walking" and then walk hand in hand with the One who heals both soul and body!

I pray that God would most importantly draw dear Bentley to Him - that He would resuce His soul and provide a peace that has nothing to do with physical blindness. I know He can do this, for He has healed my spiritual blindness. He caused my scaly eyes to view a glimpse of His glory on the amazing, horrible Cross. I pray the same for Bentley. And I pray that the Jesus who had mercy on the weak and hurting, would show, yet again, his abundant mercy on His weak and hurting children - that He would lavish Danny and Nikki with overflowing, ever-present, tender grace.

Come Weary Saints - part 2

2008-04-11T12:37:00.012-04:00

How do you define a good CD? Is it something that makes you feel good? Is it something that evokes a certain emotion or reaction? Is it something that is pleasing to your ears? What makes it "good"?

I would like to propose that "Come Weary Saints" the newest album by Sovereign Grace Music is a good CD. Good, not because it makes me feel good, but good because of what it is about. I posted earlier this morning about one of the songs. Since then, the CD been on "repeat" in iTunes and has been playing over and over again. Over the next few days, I plan to post in more detail about each of the songs.

One thing I've noticed is that this CD is about hope. But its not about a hope based in the absence of trials, its about finding our hope in Christ - choosing to trust a Hope right in the midst of trials. This hope and peace does not means what the world typically thinks of as hope and peace. Its not a "feel good" thing at all.

Our hope is found in the love of Jesus. My freedom is found in Him, not in the abscence of trials or struggles. The third song on the album "As Long As You Are Glorified" talks about this hope.

It is a song I desperately need to hear over and over again, and a song that my selfish and prideful heart wants to skip. My heart willingly thanks God in times of blessings and days of sunshine and then grumbles when it rains. It is hard to sing wholeheartedly "let your will be done in me - I long for nothing else but that You are glorified." Those words hurt. Those words don't easily roll off my tongue.

They need to be learned. They need to be rehersed. They need practice, for I tend to neglect those words. I forget that my God is sovereign (“Sovereignty is the exclusive right (legal or moral entitlement) to have complete control over an area of governance, people, or oneself. A sovereign is the supreme lawmaking authority, subject to no other.” (definition taken from Wikipedia)). I forget that God is loving. My heart looks away from that Hope. I forget Psalm 23 - that God accompanies in the valleys (2. Cor 12:9, Mk 14:35-36, Lam 3:21-24, Hab 3:17-19) but that He also leads through the valleys (Job 42:12-17, Genesis 45).

I want to learn this lesson. I don't want someone to write about me one day what was written about the children of Israel in Psalm 81.

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Shall I take from your hand your blessings
Yet not welcome any pain?
Shall I thank you for days of sunshine
Yet grumble in days of rain?
Shall I love you in times of plenty
Then leave you in days of drought?
Shall I trust when I reap the harvest
But when winter winds blow then doubt?

Oh let your will be done in me
In your love I will abide.
Oh I long for nothing else as long
As you are glorified.

Are you good only when I prosper,
And true only when I’m filled?
Are you King only when I’m carefree,
And God only when I’m well?
You are Good when I’m poor and needy
You are True when I’m parched and dry.
You still reign in the deepest valley
You’re still God in the darkest night.

Oh let your will be done in me
In your love I will abide.
Oh I long for nothing else as long
As you are glorified.

So quiet my restless heart
Quiet my restless heart
Quiet my restless heart
In You

Oh let your will be done in me
In your love I will abide.
Oh I long for nothing else as long
As you are glorified.

Written by Mark Altrogge
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Father, give me more grace to trust in You. Let your love compel me to say "no matter what - your will be done." God, your glory is amazing, and I only glimpse the fringes. May my life highlight your glory. May you be satisfied with my sacrifice - not a sacrifice of words, but a sacrifice of praise from a heart that is full of You.

Faith and Hope

2008-04-11T10:23:00.003-04:00

“Faith believes God to be true, hope awaits the time when his truth shall be manifested; faith believes that he is our Father, hope anticipates that he will ever show himself to be a Father toward us; faith believes that eternal life has been given to us, hope anticipates that it will some time be revealed; faith is the foundation upon which hope rests, hope nourishes and sustains faith” (John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, III.2.42).

Come Weary Saints

2008-04-11T08:09:00.011-04:00

Yesterday, I received a copy of the new album from Sovereign Grace Ministries, "Come Weary Saints." This album is a beautiful reminder of God's sustaining grace through every trial we face. I have the feeling this will quickly become one of my favorites. (the link to purchase the CD can be found here .)

the line-up is as follows:
1. Hide Away In the Love of Jesus
2. So I Will Trust You
3. As Long as You are Glorified
4. Oh the Deep Deep Love
5. Every Day
6. Through the Precious Blood
7. You Have Always Been Faithful
8. Healing in Your Wings
9. Joy in my Morning
10. Glorious
11. I Have a Shelter
12. It is Not Death to Die

Though each song is a reminder of God as the solution to (and greater than) each problem that we face, I want to focus on one song specifically that already been an encouragement and challenge to me - "Through the Precious Blood." A post from last week was as a result of God using in my heart 3 words from the sample version of that song - "grace upon grace." As the trials heap up in my life, as I feel bombarded with wave after wave, my Father promises freely grace upon grace.

This grace is not a cheap grace -it came at great cost - through the precious blood of Christ. Grace from a Father that has ordained every step I take. Grace abundant from a God that makes no mistakes. Satisfying grace that is offered to us freely.

Scripture assures us - that God is soverengly using our difficulties as tool to make us more like His Son. We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5: 3–5). While we know these things are true, in the midst of our hardships we can lose perspective. Problems can loom large, and our hopes can grow dim.

Come Weary Saints is an invitation to redirect your focus to the God whose love has been forever demonstrated at the cross of Calvary. As you listen to these songs, may your faith and joy in the Savior be strengthened for the challenges you face, now or in the future. (review from http://www.sovereigngracemusic.org/albums)

Spiritual Stupidity

2008-04-11T00:25:00.001-04:00

“Do any of us find decays in grace prevailing in us;—deadness, coldness, lukewarmness, a kind of spiritual stupidity and senselessness coming upon us? Do we find an unreadiness unto the exercise of grace in its proper season, and the vigorous acting of it in duties of communion with God? and would we have our souls recovered from these dangerous diseases?

Let us assure ourselves there is no better way for our healing and deliverance, yea, no other way but this alone,—namely, the obtaining of a fresh view of the glory of Christ by faith, and a steady abiding therein. Constant contemplation of Christ and his glory, putting forth its transformation power unto the revival of all grace, is the only relief in this case” (The Works of John Owen, I, 395).

Mighty is the Power of the Cross

2008-04-10T10:00:00.001-04:00

What can take a dying man
And raise him up to life again?
What can heal the wounded soul?
What can make us white as snow?
What can fill the emptiness?
What can mend our brokenness? Brokenness?

Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the Holy cross.
Where the Lamb lay down His life
To lift us from the fall.
Mighty is the power of the cross.

What restores our faith in God?
What reveals the Father's love?
What can lead the wayward home?
What can melt a heart of stone?
What can free the guilty ones?
What can save and overcome? Overcome?

It's a miracle to me
It's a miracle to me
It's still a mystery
And it's still a mystery
It's a miracle to me
The power of God
Those who believe

Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the Holy cross.
Where the Lamb lay down His life
To lift us from the fall.

Oh and mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the Holy cross.
Where the Lamb lay down His life
To lift us from the fall.
Mighty is the power of...
Mighty is the power of...
Mighty is the power of the cross.

Thank You for the cross.
Thank You for the cross.
I love the cross.
I love the cross.
It's a powerful cross.

What can take a dying man (thank You Jesus)
And raise him up to life again? (thank You Jesus)
Worship You Jesus (wonderful cross)
By Your wounds we are healed
By Your wounds we are saved

Mighty is the power of the cross (echo)
Mighty is the power of the cross (echo)
Thank You Jesus
For the Holy cross
- Chris Tomlin

Every Tear You Cried

2008-04-09T10:22:00.010-04:00

This post is about a book. A book that I love and that leaves me in a puddle of tears whenever I read it. I've read it countless times and love it more each time. This was the first Ted Dekker book I'd ever read and it opened up to me a world of his powerfully descriptive and compelling writings. If you haven't read it, I'd encourage you to do so.

The author portrays a suffering in this book in light of heaven and the eternal hope that a Christian has. It describes a town of faithful women who are willing to endure persecution for the joy set before them. (*note - this book can be rather descriptive and harsh at times*)

Todd Agnew and Ted Dekker worked together to create a song that is woven throughout the book. The link is below and it has, over the past few years, become an all-time favorite. I love the care portrayed by our Father through the words. I love the reminder that every tear I cry falls into the palm of His hand... that every lonely hour was spent with Him by my side... that every moment here is pointing to a reality to come.

I think its time I read it again. I never want to forget my hope came that day on a cross. I never want to forget I'm not home right now. I never want my current cross to appear greater than the glory to come.

... to finally here those words "my child, you are finally home." I long for that day. When I can see my Daddy face to face. When I can hold the hand that wiped my countless tears. When at last, I'll be home.

Sing O son of Zion
Shout O child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind
For you are finally home

I’ve been waiting to dance with you
In fields full of colors you’ve never seen
I’ve been waiting to show you beauty
You never dreamed that’s always been in you
I’ve been waiting to see you tremble as you’re embraced
By a world saturated with my love
I’ve been waiting for the day when at last I get to say
My child you are finally home

Sing O son of Zion
Shout O child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind
For you are finally home

I’ve been waiting to watch you realize
What all your longing was for
I’ve been waiting to show you the thread of grace
That ran through all your pain
I’ve been waiting to let you drink the water of which
Your greatest joy on earth was just a taste
I’ve been waiting for the day when at last I get to say
My child you are finally home

Sing O son of Zion
Shout O child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind
Sing O daughter of Zion
Cry out O child of mine
Dance with all the strength that you can find
For you are finally home

Every tear you cried dried in the palm of my hand
Every lonely hour was by my side
Every loved one lost, every river crossed
Every moment, every hour was pointing to this day
Longing for this day…

Rejoice Greatly

2008-04-09T10:13:00.001-04:00

"Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion!
Shout, O daughter of Jerusalem!
Behold, your King is coming to you;
He is just and having salvation,
Lowly and riding on a donkey,
A colt, the foal of a donkey."
- Zech. 9:9

"And they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks on it, and he sat on it. And many spread their cloaks on the road, and others spread leafy branches that they had cut from the fields. And those who went before and those who followed were shouting, "Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David!Hosanna in the highest!"

- Mark 11:7 - 10

"But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,

and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all.

For even the Son of Man came not to be served

but to serve

and to give his life as a ransom for many."

-Mark 10:42 -45

"Jesus called out with a loud voice,

"Father, into your hands I commit my spirit."

When he had said this, he breathed his last.
The centurion, seeing what had happened,

praised God and said,

"Surely this man was the Son of God."

- Luke 23: 46 - 47